Deadline Doom Bun Toons! BOO! @#(*&!

‘Tis the season to placate editors.

The deadline is not just looming, it’s zooming past, and I don’t have five spare minutes to sleep or eat without drawing, so I certainly can’t draw something else….The Bun Toon must re-run this week…I’m out of choices.

Here’s two of LAST YEAR’S holiday themed Bun Toons to satisfy your ravenous appetite for rabbit based cartoon stories.

See you next week, when HOPEFULLY I’m a little caught up.

In theory, that Bun Toon above works just as well with Mueller as with Santa.

And now, this:

Merry non-denominational holiday season to you and yours.

Ty the Guy OUT!

To find the answers to these important animal questions, click the link above to last week’s BUN TOON

 

It’s Jolly Jingle Day!

See you next week!

Ty the Ho Ho Guy

Joyous Nog Day!

 

And a Merry Blue Year! YAY!

See you guys for the Bun Toon Countdown next week!

Happy happy.

Ty, the Guy.

Happy X-Mas, internet!

 

Have a good day opening stockings and eating goose.  I’ll see you guys in a couple of days with our annual BUN TOONS COUNTDOWN!

Ty the Guy.  FESTIVE OUT!

Holiday Bun Toons! YAY!

If there’s anything that you want…if there’s anything I can do…just call on me, and I’ll send it along…

I didn’t want to be the one to break this story, but there’s been a lot of controversy lately, and only the actual truth will put the rumours to rest.

I’m sorry if there were any kids reading this.  But we all have to grow up and face the real world some time.

Ty the Guy OUT!

Now, today’s amusing ponderable…

What was Schultz trying to tell us?  Sparky might have been more subtle than we know…

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For last week’s re-run Bat-Toon extravaganza, click the link above

For previous Christmas Bun Toons, Santa Lists, and Cover Galleries, click the merry moose above

Simply Having a Wonderful Christmas Time.

 

Don’t forget to join us back here in a couple of days, after the merry making has run its course, for a TOP FIVE BUN TOONS countdown.  This year, including THE MOST POPULAR BUN TOON OF ALL TIME!!

Ty the Jingle Guy OUT!

Here now:  Your BONUS KRIS KRINGLY MOMENTS from Art Lands Past:

Click here to see ALL the Christmas lists, the Yuletide Bun Toons, All the Holiday Season you can stomach!

Christmas Eve Bun Toons 2011! YAY!

Fa la la la la, la la la la.

I got shopping to do, I got scripts to write, I got home made presents to paint, sand down and apply glue to.    Merry yourselves into a stupor folks, I’ll see you in a few days.

Ty the Christmas Guy OUT!

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In the meantime-

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Here’s one of mine that goes around the internet every Christmas, from a DC Christmas Special in the late 90s.

And if you missed this year’s Holiday Bun Toon from a couple of weeks ago, I’d love to you to go read it, I’m actually happy with how it turned out.

It doesn't look very Christmas-y from this image above, but click it anyway.

Click here to read last week's Bun Toon which doesn't mention Christmas at ALL, the lousy Scrooge!

For my year round Christmas gift to you fine folks: the COMPLETE Bun Toons online FREE with the click of this button.

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And now:  The Christmas Comic Book Cover We Need Never See Again—

 

Ride ’em Kringle! The Top Seven Alternative Methods of Transportation for Santa Claus.

These titles are getting longer, just like the nights.

With the price of gas, the concern for the environment, and the need to be ahead of the hipness curve, people are talking about alternative transportation.

Therefore, so are we.

THE TOP SEVEN ALTERNATIVES TO SANTA’S TRADITIONAL SLEIGH.

Number #7

THE  SNOWMOBILE

What makes this Dennis the Menace cover from 1967 an outstanding example of the commonplace sleigh-Skidoo-switcheroo genre is the gleeful mix of reindeer abandonment and felony kidnapping.

Number #6

 The Grim Toboggan.  

The man in the top hat knows that the night of swallowing uppers, bathtub gin, and the lies of a red-suited lumberjack have led to this… their deaths on a plummeting toboggan.

Number #5

The Sex Rocket

With two balls of spitting fire and a control basket jammed tight up into Father Ho-Ho’s man-business, Dell’s Santa Claus Funnies #66 produced an image from my childhood I’ve never been able to un-see.  Whatever madness gripped their cover artist to produce this Freudian nightmare, thank god it never happened again.

Number #4

The Sex Jeep.

He’s riding the steering wheel with his balls!   His BALLS, people!  How is this going to happen?   Once Santa realized how ill fitting this jeep was for his ungainly physique, he simply wouldn’t have started the engine.  Use logic!   Think of the children!

Number #3

 The Future Tech Cyborg Hovercar Thing, Mounted with the Severed Head of Rudolph, Kept Alive by Cruel Science

That’s what I see here.  I might be wrong, but I think that’s the hellish dystopia that lays ahead for Rudolph in the world of Archie 3000.   I truly hope this is saving a lot of gasoline or something, or it’s just a tragic waste of a glowing deer.

Number #2

FEAR.

Fear gives you the wings that Red Bull only promises you, and it  gets you two blocks away faster than a bus.  The people terrifying St. Nick here include a serial killer, a demon with hell-born powers, a homicidal rage addict shouting death threats, and a pagan deity with the power to summon lightning.  RUN,  Santa!  Don’t slow down for Blitzen, he’s already lost!

Number #1

Human Enslavement.

Kids: If looking at this makes you ticklish, see a doctor.

When the reindeer are on strike, or have been recently eaten (in this economy, meat is expensive), Santa turns to people with super-powers, and enslaves them to his will.

It was a either a life of servitude, or be put to the fire.

Bwah hah hah! You must do my bidding Superman! I control your very WILL!

Tune in tomorrow when we look below the phony beard and uncover the legion of Imposter Santas!

Ty the Guy OUT!

Now, your BONUS Alternate Transportation Santas:

It’s Jerry Garcia from the Grateful Dead. He’s taking a trip without the sleigh, get it? Get it? It’s that 70s drug humor that Chevy Chase made famous.

Okay then, we’ll leave you with this.

Why do I find this funny? It's because it's a Vortex comic, right?

Click below for more Christmas joy:

SINGING SWORD OF SANTA: The Top Seven Santas with a Bladed Weapon

Click here for last year's post.

Where the First Noel meets the First to draw blood.  Where the Slay Bells can be heard.  When there’s murder coming down the chimney.  Something about the happy holidays brings out the cynical bastard and the terrible pun comedy writer in a certain segment of the population, and that segment creates and reads comic books, clearly.

Last year I ran a few Santa Comic covers involving Father Christmas and gun play.  This season, we go the more medieval route and deal with the sharp, pointy Christmas every emergency room can enjoy.  Get out the band-aids and “score” along at home, kiddies, it’s why he’s called St. “Nick”.   Here’s …

THE TOP SEVEN COMIC BOOK SANTAS WITH AN EDGE

#7

DON’T MAKE SANTA CUT YOU, MAN!

It’s by far the smallest blade we’ll be seeing today, on, by far, the most famous comic.  Frank Miller wrote this issue (and I believe did a thumbnail cover sketch) so you can assume Santa is attacking Matt Murdoch because he’s a smelly, blind, protester.  This iconic Daredevil image (actually rendered by David Mazzucchelli) is both a delightful entry into the Pointy Santa genre, and an opportunity to call Frank Miller an asshole in public again, and we all enjoy that.

 #6

PUNS ARE FUN

Everyone succumbs to this joke when they run out of pride, and it usually involves lol cats with red hats on.  This cover above is a good example of the Santa Claws with pointy fingers genre, but the real winner is Mike Deodato’s seminal work on the subject “What if Santa Claus and Wolverine Had a Love Child?” from last year’s Monster Santas List.    It’s worth noting that Deodato begins his career in the comics biz with the cover to the left.  Now he draws the Avengers with the real life Wolverine in it.  Dreams do come true.

#5

UP ON THE ROOFTOP, RUN LIKE HELL!

You’ve heard of Axe-Cop?  Meet Axe-Santa, the lovable elf with no time for subtlety or living witnesses.  Creepy Magazine was so happy with the idea of an axe-wielding Kris Kringle that they brought him back more than once.

Later, he got INSIDE the house. Ho ho horrifying!

#4

FORGED IN THE FIRES OF THE NORTH POLE!

These Katana blades are cursed.  Once drawn, they must taste the blood of naughty children or thousands will die.  Or something like that.  The darn thing writes itself.

#3

Dodgem Logic.

Santa is the reaper of death, carrying a HUGE scythe,  riding us all down on a hell-reindeer.  That’s seven levels of awesome sauce in the same jar. Alan Moore edits and publishes this magazine, so it’s sure to be adapted into a film he’ll be taking his name off of, any day now.  It’s probably about wizard magic, hemp rings and Thatcher’s politics anyway, so you’re not missing much.

#2

By This Axe, I Yule.

( I told you puns are fun.)

You know this guy got the axe by taking it from the cold dead hands of the skinny red bastard on the Creepy covers a few entries back. This is a Santa who knows how to stop creatures from stirring all through the house. What could possibly be better than the man who brings you the blessings of Crom’s hatred each winter?

#1

SAMURAI SANTA

You asked what could be better, and I delivered.   This too-cool-for-yule bad ass stoneface killer is the ultimate in blade based Christmas covers.  There’s no possible way any Santa could ever be more…

#1 +

SAVAGE  SAMURAI SANTA vs. GINGERBREAD NINJAS

I stand corrected.  Everything is better if it’s “Savage”,“New”, “Extreme”  or “wrapped in tasty bacon”, and when don’t we want more ninjas?    Most importantly, look at his eyes;  he’s preparing to totally KILL DOWN on those gingerbread dragon-tong-sensei-kung-fu-cookie-men, so I’m on his side!

Next year:  New Bacon-Wrapped Savage Samurai Santa in Extreme Warrior Lemon Scented Action.  He’ll be fighting vampires, if they know their marketing.

Ty the Guy OUT!

Here now, your BONUS Santa with a Blade

It’s a different kind of blade, obviously.