Holy Batman Day, Old Chum! Bat-Toons! YAY!

Na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-Bun Toons!

Hey folks!  It’s BATMAN DAY and I’m already up and out of the house, visiting the fine Bat-fans at One Million Comics in Toronto (531 Yonge St, just south of Wellesley), signing comics, doing sketches, annoying the fans, etc.

Since I haven’t the spare ten seconds to toon any buns before I leave this morning,  I leave you with a heaping helping of Bat-Toons from Bun Toons past….a TOP TEN Batman Bun Toon-a-palooza!

Who says this isn’t the Bunny Age of Gotham City Satire?

This Elseworlds Toon was created before Brian Williams got into trouble, so ignore his recent history.

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Batman won his battle.  The Spectre is still fighting Stephen Hawking.

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Shout out to Dan Slott, who kind of wrote Batman at Noon…

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I’ve just been informed that DC is turning the above Toon into a twelve issue mini-series.

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Okay…that one might have been just for me.  How many of you have Pete Best albums?  Anyone?  I own TWO.

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Still waiting for a TOS Star Trek meets Batman 66 miniseries.  I’m ready…

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The cartoon is on youtube if you HAVE to see it.

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There…now you don’t have to see that movie.  Except for the Catwoman bits.

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But you SHOULD be watching Gotham.  It’s still a hoot.

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Yeah, I know I reprint that one all the time….but this is a top ten.

See you at One Million Comics!

Ty the Guy OUT!

If you make it out to visit us at the store, here’s what I’ll be doing…

Cover sketches, baby!  Bring me a blank cover (and a little of that folding money) and I’ll muck up the cover with one my doodles on it.

Whee.

See you there!

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For last week’s EQUALLY Batman-centric Bun Toon, focusing on the recent good news about Bill Finger… click here!

For the Bun Toon archives, with even MORE Batman Toons that didn’t make the top ten (so why read them, huh?) click the delightful rabbit above.

The Top Ten Captain Marvels

So now Carol Danvers has been switched from Ms. Marvel to Captain Marvel, a change in rank that might not be a promotion, given that I’m more likely to listen to a woman than a military man about almost anything.  By my count, she’s something like the twelfth or thirteenth character to use the concept, and that doesn’t include Doc Samson or the Flash stealing the Big Red Cheese’s original costume…

Given that I have a blog and twelve spare minutes today, I have no choice but to rank the Captains Marvel for the breathless internet public.
I don’t want to…I HAVE to.

Here now, the

TOP TEN CAPTAIN MARVELS

#10

Amalgam Captain Marvel.  

The easiest Amalgam of them all was little more than a wasted opportunity.  He does nothing but occupy space, he didn’t even make the cover of either of the issues he appears in.  Once you get the idea that both Marvel and DC had characters with this name, the effort is done.  There’s the stink of laziness all over this guy, and considering how clever and fun the Amalgams were, this is inexcusable.

Kree-Shazam…oh, forget it.

BEST STORY:

Not applicable. He’s an empty suit

#9

Mahr Vehl.

I must be a modern comic. Look at all that detail.

The “Ultimate” Captain Marvel is nothing of the sort.  Though some of the Ultimate comics update and re-imagine traditional Marvel characters with a sensibility better suited to a 21st Century reader, this particular Ultimate character is nowhere near as fun, sympathetic, or memorable as any other version of this character, including the Amalgam one.  The Ultimate Gah Lak Tus and the Ultimate Vision (both in the story Mahr Vehl first appears in), are  equally second rate compared to the 616 Universe. Don’t fix what ain’t broke, peoples.

BEST STORY

Ultimate Secret. But I’m being kind.

#8

Monica Rambeau

Who remembers me? Show of hands…

You have to give points to Marvel Comics for trying to create a black female super-hero (who wasn’t a mutant), who would kick butt and take charge.  A sort of Ororo/Storm for the Avengers, but using someone else’s name.  The problem was, the writers and editors never let the character earn her place after she was created by Roger Stern and JR JR in a Spider-Man annual.  She complained about being out of her league too darn much, she never really mattered in the stories she was in, never was given a major role in the Marvel U, and she gave up the name without a fuss when the opportunity came about, calling herself PHOTON.

Her last issue before the name change. Did anyone buy this?

Even when she became leader of the Avengers (briefly) she screws up on her first mission, accidentally merging with the Atlantic Ocean and barely surviving the watery event.  After that, she’s relegated to crowd scenes when EVERY character in the universe has to gather to get smacked around by Thanos or Dormammu or someone.   I think she was in MARVEL DIVAS a while back, but who read that? When the idea to be inclusive meets stories that barely rise above tokenism, you end up with this mess of a character.  It’s too bad.

BEST STORY:

The Spider-Man Annual, when her potential was yet unsquandered.

#7

Noh-Varr

The boy, before he was a captain.

My fondness for No-Varr comes from the Grant Morrison/JL Jones mini-series from a 2000 (Marvel Boy), that involved the character turning New York state into a giant swear word.  Though he started out stealing the name

What? Another stolen name?

from a 50s Marvel character, he graduated to stealing the more famous name, becoming the bad boy version of Captain Marvel from an alternate universe, and that means I can CHANGE him and make him better if only he’d let me.  That’s true love.   And as the “bad boy” Captain Marvel, it’s appropriate that he first takes the Captaincy when he joins the “Dark Avengers”.

He’s currently an Avenger called Protector, a name he stole from Atlas Comics (a company that stole their name from Marvel’s 50s incarnation, Atlas Comics…this is all so fun), and his costume is a mess of black and white stripes and boxes that looks like it took all of twenty minutes to design. Oh well, we’ll always have Marvel Boy.

The all-new “Protector” hero.

Stolen again!

BEST STORY:

He just wants someone to tame him, I swear.

#6

Genis Vell

Cool update on a classic costume, and some interesting cosmic story lines, though I could have done without the insanity stuff and the alt-universe sister showing up, also claiming to be Captain Marvel.  For a while Genis Vell thought his dad was Starfox/Eros, the super-rapist of the galaxy, but it turned out Genis  was the son of a Kree traitor instead.  Either way, no father’s day cards.  At some point, our hero drops the name Captain Marvel for the name Photon, which Monica Rambeau obviously gave up as easily as her Captain Marvel identity.  Monica can’t hold onto anything.

BEST STORY:

The run of issues by Peter David, despite the crazy and the sister.

#5

Freddie Freeman

Forgive the racism, it was a more “innocent” time.

The “Robin/Bucky” of the Fawcett Marvel world, Captain Marvel Jr. rose

The REAL Captain Marvel Jr.

above his origins to be a fairly strong character on his own.  The artwork for the Little Blue Cheese was consistently wonderful:  Mac Raboy and Kurt Schaffenberger in the Golden Age, Dave Cockrum, Don Newton and Kurt Schaffenberger in the Silver Age and Jerry Ordway in the Bronze Age, ol’ Freddie Freeman lucked out with some great visuals throughout his career, and he even had time to play first base for the Atlanta Braves for a while.  Plus:  Who doesn’t love the Tiny Tim vibe?  God Shazam us, every one.

BEST STORY:

Anything by Mac Raboy.

#4

Mary Marvel

Apparently, girls like giant butterflies.

Called Captain Marvel in the POWER OF SHAZAM series, so she counts too.  When I was a teenager, Bob Oksner was the illustrated for all the Mary Marvel stories in SHAZAM!, and these were the highlight of my month when she’d appear in the back up tales.  I had a crush on her…a line drawing.  I know it’s wrong, but I did.  She was the ultimate girl-next-door, in a way that Supergirl never quite was.  And the eight year old girl version of her from Jeff Smith’s run was amazing.  HATED what they did to her in all the awful Crisis/Countdown/Crisis/52/Blackest Night/Crisis nonsense.  Shameful handling of a great character.  I’m waiting to see that they don’t screw her up in the Gary Frank series she’s in now.

BEST STORY:

The new Monster Society of Evil by Jeff Smith…where Mary is about eight.

#3

Billy Baxter

That’s not a typo, I mean Baxter, not Batson.  This Captain Marvel, published briefly by Myron Fass Enterprises in the mid-sixties, has lived in my heart for decades.  His comics came out when I was about five years old, and since I have a couple of these, I  cannot view them with any objectivity.  They are simply wonderful building blocks of my childish psyche. “SPLIT!” is as powerful as “Flame on!” as far as I’m concerned…and that’s quite a co-incidence as this Captain Marvel was illustrated by Carl Burgos, creator of the original Human Torch.  Included in this series was the equally trademark squatting characters of “Dr. Fate”, “The Ray”, “Plastic Man”, “The Destroyer” and “The Bat”, proving Myron liked to live on the edge of lawsuits for thrills.   The Bat is the best, because he changed his name to “THE RAY” to avoid a DC lawsuit (even though the Ray was a Quality Comics character) and his costume looked exactly like the Martian Manhunter.  You could see why the company was called “MF Comics”; I think it was an abbreviation for something other than the publisher’s name.   This is the original squatter on the Captain Marvel title, so it gets extra points for picking at the corpse first.

BEST STORY:

All of them. There’s only six issues of this guy.

#2

Mar-Vell

This one picked at the corpse of the Billy Baxter version, technically, as it came out about two years after MF’s title.  His original appearance in MARVEL SUPER-HEROES #12 was less than thrilling, and his first couple of years in his own title wouldn’t have left much of an impact on anyone…but then HOO BOY, we get the Gil Kane version, with the new costume and Rick Jones in ish #17.

Now we’re talking.

I love how that version of this familiar name went back to the idea that the Captain and a young boy would share the same identity, and would change back and forth with a bolt of lightning. I mean, if you’re going to steal a character, steal it full out. That’s bold.
But the quality of the art and stories improved so much, I forgave the obvious rip-off and dug right in. By the time Jim Starlin came along, Cap was amongst my top five favorite Marvel comics.

BEST STORY:

The Trial of the Watcher, and sadly, the Death of Captain Marvel.

#1

Billy Batson

The first, the original, at one point the best selling comic book in the world, and the basis of the SHAZAM catch phrase for Gomer Pyle U.S.M.C. (you youngsters can look Gomer up, I’m not explaining everything.)
He was almost called Captain Thunder or Captain Lightning, but smart marketing heads prevailed, and, as Captain Marvel, the character ended up the quintessential super-hero of the Golden Age, perhaps the best super-hero of all time. The mix of serious business and lighthearted fun was perfect for the war era, but it hasn’t translated well into modern versions and the character has been relegated to misfires and almost-gets-it-right stories for decades. It’s hard not to love the Jeff Smith and Jerry Ordway runs, and I’m sort of digging the Gary Frank version coming out now in the back of Justice League, but I can’t see how you could improve on the C.C. Beck and Otto Binder version from sixty years ago. Besides three Captain Marvels, this series gives us Lieutenant Marvels, Uncle Marvels, Hillbilly Marvels, Bunny Marvels and a sharp dressed talking tiger named Tawny. Beat THAT, comics industry.

Pictured above: Courtroom sketches from the 50s

For some reason, because the Captain could fly, he wore a cape, his secret identity was a reporter, and his arch villain was a bald scientist, DC comics felt he was a trademark infringement on Superman. Eventually a court did as well, and Fawcett closed down their publishing line in 1957 to avoid a large cash settlement.
Lawyers are scum.

BEST STORY:

The original Monster Society of Evil. Was there a second choice?

So, Carol has a hell of a legacy to live up to.  (And of course, Genis Vell was called “Legacy” in his early appearances, so that’s taken as well).

We’ll be keeping an eye on you, Ms. Danvers.  We expect Monster Society quality stuff, or at least a .285 batting average for the Braves.

Ty the Guy OUT!

Here now, your BONUS Captain Marvel moment.

Legendary sax player Stan Getz got into the Captain Marvel action with this classic album from the 70s. Apparently ANYONE can use the name at this point.

420 special: The Top Ten Pot-Heads in Comics

It’s 4-20 you degenerate low-lives.

Welcome to my blog.

It's "Mary Jane" and her dreaded catch phrase. We all know what it means.

As a straight laced kid from the suburbs growing up in the late sixties, I never cared much for the drug culture or its humor.  I didn’t like Cheech and Chong records or Wonder Warthog comics, and the Grateful Dead were for those bigger kids who skipped auto-shop a lot.  But around the time I turned 18, Paul McCartney was busted for possession of one hundred and thirty-eight kilos of wacky weed in his luggage by the Japanese, and I figured pot smokers can’t be all bad.  The man wrote Hey Jude, for God’s sake.

My drugs of choice turn out to be caffeine and sugar, conveniently blended into a Coca-Cola, which I treat like a life altering addiction, but in celebration of today’s hippie holiday, for all the great music that cannabis brought my generation, and in some sense of minor protest for all the poor innocent people in jail because of insane prohibition laws, I present to you…

#10- Buddy Bradley

It's morning in America.

As our art-form’s most self-destructive asshole (and I’m including Doctor Doom in that), Peter Bagge’s delightful anti-hero, Buddy Bradley obsesses over old records, argues with everyone he knows, and gets high a lot.  That thrilling lifestyle has sustained the character for decades of a drain circling angst-com unfolding in various series alternately named “NEAT STUFF” or “HATE”.    Lately, Buddy’s dream is to become the crazy, one-eyed, old man who lives at your local junk yard, proving that stoners don’t always let their ambitions atrophy.

FUN FACT POT-HEADS WON’T REMEMBER TOMORROW:

Peter Bagge has said Buddy is part auto-biography, so when visiting Peter, bring thai stick and an eye-patch.

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#9 – Tank Girl

It's impossible to find an image of Tank Girl without some smoke in her mouth.

Like most of the young women you know, Jamie Hewlitt’s Tank Girl lives in an armored assault vehicle in a post-something Australia, devotes herself to anarchy, smokes da blunts like Snoop Dog’s chimney,  and dates a mutated kangaroo. Tank Girl comics are exercises in delightfully surreal nonsense with no discernible point, which is also what you get after a good drag of some Toledo Window Box, so I’m told. The 1995 motion picture (starring Lori Petty) turned this obscure cult character into a much more famous obscure cult character.

FUN FACT POT-HEADS WON’T REMEMBER TOMORROW:

Mr. Hewlitt also created a fictional cartoon band called the Gorillaz which made some amazing albums and videos about ten years ago.

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#8 – Jughead Jones

He barely opens his eyes, he’s lazy and aimless, he plays a musical instrument, he’s constantly got the munchies and has a strange disinterest in his sex drive….when you add that to the fact that “jug” and “pot” are almost synonyms, Pothead Jones has been hiding in plain sight for decades.
There are moments where he believes he talks to his dog.

FUN FACT POT-HEADS WON’T REMEMBER TOMORROW:

He’s been so blitzed for fifty years, Jughead never noticed other  people stopped wearing that hat.

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#7 – Spider Jerusalem

Created by Warren Ellis and Darick Robertson in 1997 for a series called TRANSMETROPOLITAN, Spider Jerusalem was reportedly inspired by Doonsebury’s Uncle Duke, who was originally inspired by Hunter S. Thompson, who was entirely inspired by illegal substances.  Spider lives in a futuristic world that has eliminated the bad side of drug use, including addiction and lung cancer, so every citizen is free to smoke the remains of Keith Richards if the mood hits them, and with Spider, it often does.  In between trying a little of every chemical he can find, Mr. Jerusalem is a cyberpunk/gonzo journalist that topples governments with his columns, all created while he’s so baked he has no hope of remembering a word he’s written by the next day.

FUN FACT POT-HEADS WON’T REMEMBER TOMORROW:

Before Spider shaves off his beard and gets a haircut in the first issue, he resembles legendary grass-ingester, Alan Moore.   It’s a “tribute”, apparently.

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#6 – Fritz the Cat

Robert Crumb’s iconic underground comic character became iconic because it was adapted into an iconic underground movie by Ralph Bakshi a few years after the not-so-iconic comics came out.  A casual glance at anything Crumb worked on at the time involved illicit sex, racist imagery, misogyny and drug use on nearly every page, so Fritz wasn’t especially important in the grand scheme of things.  But the animated film blew America’s mind when movie-goers across the heartland watched a cartoon cat do this in 1972:

Pictured: Things Sylvester Pussycat did not do.

FUN FACT POT-HEADS WON’T REMEMBER TOMORROW:

After the film came out, Crumb was so disappointed in it, that he quickly killed off Fritz the Cat with an ice-pick to the head, delivered by an groupie/obsessed fan who loved Fritz’s movie and didn’t take rejection well.  She was also an ostrich.

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#5 – Bluntman and Chronic

Artwork by Mike Allred

From the moment he released his indy-darling uber-movie, CLERKS, Kevin Smith has been associated most prominently with his on-screen and in-comic book alter-ego, “Silent Bob”, a pot dealer with conversation issues.  In the film CHASING AMY, the already fictional alter-egos of Kevin Smith and Jason Mewes are turned into fictional alter-alter-egos in comic book character form.  To add to the meta-textual confusion, both Jay & Silent Bob and Bluntman and Chronic became actual comic books, published in the real world.

FUN FACT POT-HEADS WON’T REMEMBER TOMORROW:

Kevin Smith still makes films, but no one sees them anymore.

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# – 4  Marijuana Man

Created by multi Grammy award winning recording artist Ziggy Marley, (son of the equally legendary Rita Marley), written by Joe Casey, illustrated by Jim Mahfood, and published (theoretically) by Image Comics in 2011, Marijuana Man is an alien from the planet Yelram (spell it backwards and be amazed!) who is traveling the universe to bring back life giving THC to his dying planet.  I swear to Rasta I’m not making this up.  I’ve never actually seen a copy, though there are a few articles online from last year promising the issue is just about to come out.  If it did, I didn’t see it.  Perhaps the creative team got distracted by something…

FUN FACT POT-HEADS WON’T REMEMBER TOMORROW:

Ziggy insists the character can’t be considered a bad influence on readers because Marijuana Man doesn’t actually smoke the ganga. He gets his superpowers from mystically “connecting with it” through contact alone.

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#3 –   Zonker Harris 

If Peter Pan had never grown up in the 1970s, instead of not growing up in the 19th Century, he would be Zonker Harris.

One of the original lead characters in the long running Doonesbury comic strip by Garry Trudeau, Mr. Harris is a full time professional slacker who has been a competitive sun-tanner, low-stress nanny, and outspoken advocate for hemp since the early days of the series. And Zonker shows no sign of stopping in his lifestyle choices as of 2012.

He started off as the crazy roommate everyone had in college, and evolved into the crazy unmarried uncle that can’t hold down a job.   I’m waiting for the day that Garry Trudeau writes a series of strips where Zonker is actually arrested and put in jail for his lifestyle, to give America a taste of how horrible and unfair it would all be to see it happen to someone you know and love.

FUN FACT POT-HEADS WON’T REMEMBER TOMORROW:

Lest you think America’s favorite cartoon deadhead is exclusively a comic STRIP character, he and a friend appeared in Spectacular Spider-Man #56.  Check out the bottom right corner, it’s Zonker and Mike Doonsebury, courtesy of John Byrne.  You’ll notice someone is enjoying some Mary Jane, man.

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#2 – The  Fabulous Furry Freak Brothers

The clown princes of comix, Gilbert Shelton’s Freak Brothers appear in stories that are exclusively about the finding of, purchasing of, and smoking of weed.  I think there’s ONE story that focuses on their car breaking down, but it was driving to their dealer to buy weed when it did.  Just so you don’t think they’re a one-joke idea (and that idea is weed), Fat Freddy is often looking for things to eat, and he has a cat that spends a lot of time confronting his poop issues.  But other than that, it’s about weed.

Is it just me, or is there something wrong with all their noses?

FUN FACT POT-HEADS WON’T REMEMBER TOMORROW:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YINWUjFQRDU

There’s actually a few minutes of a stop motion Freak Brothers Film online.  It  was in motion for a while, but it stopped.

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#1 – This Guy

This single one-page gag strip by Crumb features the anonymous comic character most associated with getting high for an entire generation.

I saw this poster in a thousand bedrooms when I was a teenager.  It was certainly my first head-on encounter with the work of Crumb, Comix and nefarious, unauthorized behavior that was rampant in the early 70s.  Even though I never smoked those awful doobies as a teenager, and was suspicious of people who did, this poster was somehow very appealing.  I hope it wasn’t the obvious limp phallus in panel four.

Maybe it was simply a choice of this poster, or the one with the cat gripping a metal pipe,  saying “Hang in there, baby.”

That decade was difficult.

FUN FACT POT-HEADS WON’T REMEMBER TOMORROW:

In the over a thousand viewings I have had with this comic strip, I did not notice until today that the second word is misspelled.  That’s how observant I am when I’m sober.

Ty the Guy OUT!

Here now, you comic book stoner bonus moment.

Not just cocaine, but HITLER'S cocaine. I wouldn't mess with that stuff...

Number #1 Bun Toon of the YEAR! (And the bestest failure, too)YAY!

And now, that day has come, and so we face, the final curtain… on 2011.

Most of the people I know said this  year was one of the worst they’ve ever gone through.  I’ve had my own ups and downs, but my family is intact, we didn’t lose a cat or a grandparent, I’m still employed in the comics industry, and so far as I know, I don’t have brain tumours or a contract killer after me, so I’m calling the whole thing a win.   (But I score differently than most people; I never count the errors or forces, and don’t even pick up the pencil when it’s a southpaw.)

Speaking of the Score:  It’s time for the top Bun Toon of the Year…beating out such contenders as “Charlie Sheen vs. Galactus”, “Ma Kent vs. Aunt May” and “Everything You Need To Know about Thor In Four Panels”…we present the Thrilla with Frank Milla…

(Above is a MUCH cleaner copy than the one that went online originally).

A few people pointed out that Frank looked more like he was auto-fellating himself than inserting his skull into his bowels in my cartoon, which is a fair point anatomically, but moot satirically.  I’m good with his depiction either way.

My last line up there… “I used to love you, Frank.”…you don’t know how true that is, ladies and gents.  Watching Frank Miller turn into the current version of himself is like watching a beloved Uncle pee on the shrubs at a wedding.  And I mean the front shrubs, in the yard that faces the road.  At the Church.  Without undoing his fly first so it goes all down his pant leg and everything.

Cut it out, Frank, and find a rest room.

ALSO:  This came with the post, so you gets is again:

A contribution I did for Gail Simone's "You'll All Be Sorry" column from a couple of years ago.

AND NOW, MY MOST BELOVED FAILURE BUN TOON

That Frank Miller strip up there took me less than an hour –  from idea to putting it online where it was read by tens of thousands of people, we’re talking maybe 45 minutes (you probably noticed Frank never moves, and there’s no backgrounds either, two tricks of the lazy cartoonist!).

But the Bun Toon below took more than six or seven hours, by far the longest I’ve ever spent on one.  It was done mostly in lieu of sleep over a couple of nights, and it was maybe the most fun I had on a webcomic entry so far.  The poor thing did no traffic when it went up though, and has stayed at the bottom of the hit parade ever since.

Lesson learned:    Effort is for squares.  Just whip it off, baby, and you’ll get your reward.

NOTE: The premise here, explained in the original post, was that I was privy to some inside information about the next six comic book movies coming out of Big Time Hollywood because I was working on one of them, doing storyboards.

I can now reveal which film I was storyboarding for release in 2012.  It’s the Christian Bale Thunderstrike picture.  Look for it in local theatres in the coming year.

That’s it for 2011, bunny people.  Come by in 2012 and I promise we’ll be just as lightweight and meaningless, only better.

Now, wrapped in bacon.

Ty the Guy OUT!!

Bun Toon Countdown….#2!!

We’re back with the almost last look at the most and least popular Bun Toons of the year 2011!

The #2 most popular sparked quite a bit of controversy in out comments section, where Peter David, Kurt Busiek, Leonard Kirk and a host of others got “into it” with our regulars about the meaning, philosophy and specific point of my little Bunny Funny for the week.  Also: racism in America and the comics industry in general was discussed.

All because of some new kid playing Spider-Man in the Ultimate Universe…

For a normal post, we might get five or ten comments on a Bun Toon.  This one got comments into the hundreds, and sometimes the conversation got nasty.

Our Unpopular Bun Toon entry got nasty on panel, with some grim dialogue about killing the Easter Bunny.  It was one of my personal favourites for the year actually,  but it didn’t get much of an audience when it went up on Easter Sunday.   Is the Easter Bunny a religious icon?  Is it sacrilege to mess with him now?

It’s equally possible the Easter Bunny/Comic Book Bonus moment is what frightened people off that day….

It sure scared the hell out of me.

See you tomorrow, with the final entry of 2011, the top rated Bun Toon of 2011, and one of my favourite failures.

Ty the Guy OUT!

Bun Toons Countdown 2011 – #3. YAY!

This entry into the Top Five is an odd one.  First, it had nothing to do with comic books (though eight out of the top ten Bun Toons did), second, it’s not funny, nor is it meant to be,  and finally, though I wrote it, it’s one of the few Bun Toons this year that I didn’t draw.  Jason Laudadio drew the piece, a wonderfully skilled artist from Toronto and WOW did he knock it out of the park!

It was posted the week that America retired their Space Shuttle program, and that country gave up on putting  human beings in space for the foreseeable future.  This Bun Toon was my comment on it.  A number of news sites following the story of the shuttle’s retirement picked up our contribution to the conversation and it went all viral, as the kids say.

It’s a nice feeling when you do a little heartfelt piece, just to keep the wheels of creativity greased, and tens of thousands of people end up reading it.

Again, round of applause for Jason Laudadio’s art on this story.  Go tell Jason you love him.

As I said before, the Prometheus Toon wasn’t about comic books, so I was very surprised it was popular, but I can never gauge what people out there are going to react to.

AND NOW FOR A BOTTOM FIVE BUN TOON!  

BWAH HAH HAH!

Checking in for the failure side of things is a Bun Toon I was really pleased with when I did it, and my buddy Dan Slott called me up afterwards to tell me it was the funniest one I’d ever drawn.   (I have to keep remembering that mentioning the now-world-famous Dan is name dropping nowadays!  HAH!)

Anyway, here’s one that amused me and Slott, but not that many other people.  It’s about the dying media of newspaper comic strips.   Too dead a target, I suppose.

As I child, I would have LOVED to see Wolf’s World in the paper.   Every day, they eat something new.  A cat, a dog, perhaps an orphan or one of their own, the possibilities are endless.

See you tomorrow with the #2 Bun Toon that turned my comments section into the hottest all-star hangout on the internet for a couple of days…that, AND the miserable failure that was my Bun Toons death scene.

Ty the Guy OUT!

Bun Toon Countdown 2011 – Number #5 YAY!

It’s been a wonderful adventure here at Bun Central since our long forgotten launch way back in April, 2010.  That makes 2011 our first full calendar year of this blog-toon (or “bloon”), and in  that time, I suppose I’ve grown up a little;  I’ve married and raised a family, I bought that little dairy farm I always dreamed of, I lost a leg in a regrettable bar wager and of course we all lost someone in the Great Alien War.

But most importantly, our readership has doubled this year.  When we began, our subscribers numbered in the Steves, and now we understand that Steve has taken to showing the blog to his mother.   Hello Enid, it’s great to have you aboard.

And in celebration of our larger audience, as the calendar draws to a close, we take one last look at the Bun Toons of the past twelve months:  the five most popular and the five that no one liked but me.  You get the successes and the failures at Templeton’s Art Land, because I’m a Yin/Yang guy and I love all my babies, even the funny looking one we have to keep away from the forks.

According to hit counter, coming in FIFTH on the Big Bun Toon Countdown Board, it’s the knock-down drag-out cartoon beating of the year with…

If you don’t recall who Rob G****** was, then this is one of those astoundingly rare moments on the internet where I’m NOT going to send you on a hyperlink to an article about him.  I’m not going to even mention his name in text, so people can’t find it in search engines.  I took a vow of silence and haven’t said his full name in print for at least six months and I’m keeping it that way.

If you really, actually, honestly don’t know who he was, and why I drew him pooping in his own pants, trust me…the mystery is more fun.

Here now…one of the BOTTOM five Bun Toons of the Year!  

Back in February, in an attempt to pander to the fickle audience of 2011, I introduced my hot new breakout character, the Contessa Kristine Margarite Von Shoenefeld… and in doing so, I stumbled into a well-known formula for obscurity:  Make your desperation for crossover success far too clear.

If anyone had read this strip, I’d have done a sequel in a heartbeat.  Or a movie deal, or a TV pilot, or a character appearance at a local mall, whatever… I’m not picky.  But apparently you readers are,  so this overlooked Bun Toon lay at the bottom of the hit pile all year.

See you tomorrow for a guest appearance by one of the last living legends of comics, as we continue the…

For more Bun Toons online click this button.

Ride ’em Kringle! The Top Seven Alternative Methods of Transportation for Santa Claus.

These titles are getting longer, just like the nights.

With the price of gas, the concern for the environment, and the need to be ahead of the hipness curve, people are talking about alternative transportation.

Therefore, so are we.

THE TOP SEVEN ALTERNATIVES TO SANTA’S TRADITIONAL SLEIGH.

Number #7

THE  SNOWMOBILE

What makes this Dennis the Menace cover from 1967 an outstanding example of the commonplace sleigh-Skidoo-switcheroo genre is the gleeful mix of reindeer abandonment and felony kidnapping.

Number #6

 The Grim Toboggan.  

The man in the top hat knows that the night of swallowing uppers, bathtub gin, and the lies of a red-suited lumberjack have led to this… their deaths on a plummeting toboggan.

Number #5

The Sex Rocket

With two balls of spitting fire and a control basket jammed tight up into Father Ho-Ho’s man-business, Dell’s Santa Claus Funnies #66 produced an image from my childhood I’ve never been able to un-see.  Whatever madness gripped their cover artist to produce this Freudian nightmare, thank god it never happened again.

Number #4

The Sex Jeep.

He’s riding the steering wheel with his balls!   His BALLS, people!  How is this going to happen?   Once Santa realized how ill fitting this jeep was for his ungainly physique, he simply wouldn’t have started the engine.  Use logic!   Think of the children!

Number #3

 The Future Tech Cyborg Hovercar Thing, Mounted with the Severed Head of Rudolph, Kept Alive by Cruel Science

That’s what I see here.  I might be wrong, but I think that’s the hellish dystopia that lays ahead for Rudolph in the world of Archie 3000.   I truly hope this is saving a lot of gasoline or something, or it’s just a tragic waste of a glowing deer.

Number #2

FEAR.

Fear gives you the wings that Red Bull only promises you, and it  gets you two blocks away faster than a bus.  The people terrifying St. Nick here include a serial killer, a demon with hell-born powers, a homicidal rage addict shouting death threats, and a pagan deity with the power to summon lightning.  RUN,  Santa!  Don’t slow down for Blitzen, he’s already lost!

Number #1

Human Enslavement.

Kids: If looking at this makes you ticklish, see a doctor.

When the reindeer are on strike, or have been recently eaten (in this economy, meat is expensive), Santa turns to people with super-powers, and enslaves them to his will.

It was a either a life of servitude, or be put to the fire.

Bwah hah hah! You must do my bidding Superman! I control your very WILL!

Tune in tomorrow when we look below the phony beard and uncover the legion of Imposter Santas!

Ty the Guy OUT!

Now, your BONUS Alternate Transportation Santas:

It’s Jerry Garcia from the Grateful Dead. He’s taking a trip without the sleigh, get it? Get it? It’s that 70s drug humor that Chevy Chase made famous.

Okay then, we’ll leave you with this.

Why do I find this funny? It's because it's a Vortex comic, right?

Click below for more Christmas joy:

SINGING SWORD OF SANTA: The Top Seven Santas with a Bladed Weapon

Click here for last year's post.

Where the First Noel meets the First to draw blood.  Where the Slay Bells can be heard.  When there’s murder coming down the chimney.  Something about the happy holidays brings out the cynical bastard and the terrible pun comedy writer in a certain segment of the population, and that segment creates and reads comic books, clearly.

Last year I ran a few Santa Comic covers involving Father Christmas and gun play.  This season, we go the more medieval route and deal with the sharp, pointy Christmas every emergency room can enjoy.  Get out the band-aids and “score” along at home, kiddies, it’s why he’s called St. “Nick”.   Here’s …

THE TOP SEVEN COMIC BOOK SANTAS WITH AN EDGE

#7

DON’T MAKE SANTA CUT YOU, MAN!

It’s by far the smallest blade we’ll be seeing today, on, by far, the most famous comic.  Frank Miller wrote this issue (and I believe did a thumbnail cover sketch) so you can assume Santa is attacking Matt Murdoch because he’s a smelly, blind, protester.  This iconic Daredevil image (actually rendered by David Mazzucchelli) is both a delightful entry into the Pointy Santa genre, and an opportunity to call Frank Miller an asshole in public again, and we all enjoy that.

 #6

PUNS ARE FUN

Everyone succumbs to this joke when they run out of pride, and it usually involves lol cats with red hats on.  This cover above is a good example of the Santa Claws with pointy fingers genre, but the real winner is Mike Deodato’s seminal work on the subject “What if Santa Claus and Wolverine Had a Love Child?” from last year’s Monster Santas List.    It’s worth noting that Deodato begins his career in the comics biz with the cover to the left.  Now he draws the Avengers with the real life Wolverine in it.  Dreams do come true.

#5

UP ON THE ROOFTOP, RUN LIKE HELL!

You’ve heard of Axe-Cop?  Meet Axe-Santa, the lovable elf with no time for subtlety or living witnesses.  Creepy Magazine was so happy with the idea of an axe-wielding Kris Kringle that they brought him back more than once.

Later, he got INSIDE the house. Ho ho horrifying!

#4

FORGED IN THE FIRES OF THE NORTH POLE!

These Katana blades are cursed.  Once drawn, they must taste the blood of naughty children or thousands will die.  Or something like that.  The darn thing writes itself.

#3

Dodgem Logic.

Santa is the reaper of death, carrying a HUGE scythe,  riding us all down on a hell-reindeer.  That’s seven levels of awesome sauce in the same jar. Alan Moore edits and publishes this magazine, so it’s sure to be adapted into a film he’ll be taking his name off of, any day now.  It’s probably about wizard magic, hemp rings and Thatcher’s politics anyway, so you’re not missing much.

#2

By This Axe, I Yule.

( I told you puns are fun.)

You know this guy got the axe by taking it from the cold dead hands of the skinny red bastard on the Creepy covers a few entries back. This is a Santa who knows how to stop creatures from stirring all through the house. What could possibly be better than the man who brings you the blessings of Crom’s hatred each winter?

#1

SAMURAI SANTA

You asked what could be better, and I delivered.   This too-cool-for-yule bad ass stoneface killer is the ultimate in blade based Christmas covers.  There’s no possible way any Santa could ever be more…

#1 +

SAVAGE  SAMURAI SANTA vs. GINGERBREAD NINJAS

I stand corrected.  Everything is better if it’s “Savage”,“New”, “Extreme”  or “wrapped in tasty bacon”, and when don’t we want more ninjas?    Most importantly, look at his eyes;  he’s preparing to totally KILL DOWN on those gingerbread dragon-tong-sensei-kung-fu-cookie-men, so I’m on his side!

Next year:  New Bacon-Wrapped Savage Samurai Santa in Extreme Warrior Lemon Scented Action.  He’ll be fighting vampires, if they know their marketing.

Ty the Guy OUT!

Here now, your BONUS Santa with a Blade

It’s a different kind of blade, obviously.

Top Seven Most Awful Things To Find in your Stocking

Last December, I helped festive up the internet yuleing by offering up a sampling of the most inappropriate Santa Claus images from Christmas comic book covers of yesteryore.

The corruption of our cherished funnybook memories continues with…

The Top Seven Most Awful Things to Find in your Stocking

#7

TEENAGED BOYS

As someone who lives with an actual teenage boy, trust me, this is something you do NOT want to discover in your home on Christmas morning.  The reason it takes a teenager twelve years to attain its final form is so that the parents have become used to the child at that point, and less likely to attack it out of fear.  A brand new teenager in the house would be dead within a week.

#6

LIVE DOGS

I don’t know who the darned puppet is, but he’s clearly saying “Howdy” to the dog doody that even I can smell across the room. What sane person would put a puppy, too young to be house trained, into a confining sock over night?   The only thing more foolish would be to stuff five of them in there!

Wha..?

#5 

THE WEAPONS OF EVIL

Hot Stuff is a demon child, part of the hierarchical system of HELL, and he will someday grow up to be one the torturers of the damned.  The pitchfork is the weapon of choice of demons, and Santa knows how to supply them.  The theological implications of this cover could set Christianity back MONTHS.

#4

BETRAYAL

Look upon the face of the cat.  He stares out at us in existential pain.  Did he deserve this vile fate?  The rodent  emerges from a Christmas stocking on the very day of peace and joy, when such an attack would be at its most duplicitous and unforgivable.  Super Mouse is a creature without honor, and the cat dies a martyr in my eyes.

#3

ANYTHING NAMED SLUGGO.

Be it human being, ice cream treat or industrial byproduct, I do not want anything named “Sluggo” in a stocking.  That’s just good policy.

#2

VULGAR IMMORALITY 

The woman on the cover is either a prostitute, a Russian bride, or someone with a complicated set of emotions about her father and men in general, and since there’s brothers involved in this sordid tale of anonymous sex, one of them will get possessive, fists will fly, and so will tears.    Santa destroys families with this flashy pimp stuff.  He should know better.

#1

IMPROPERLY STORED MEATS

Forget the fatal toxin factory brewing in that simmering stew bag all night and consider that poor girl’s fate even if the stocking HAD been refrigerated: cardiac-arrest at age twenty-nine, after billowing into a 400 pound emo-goth chick with tattoos she can’t find, all because of a sick, sick enabling Santa on the ONE Christmas it might have mattered.

This delightful Holiday cover wouldn’t be so funny if Little Lotta was bathing in Jack Daniel’s and snorting cocaine off a chained-up leopard’s back, now would it? No, that we call a DISEASE. But THIS we can laugh at?

Shameful.

I have to assume the editor removed her right foot as a horrific reminder of the grim diabetic future she may be facing.

————————————————————————————–

See you tomorrow for SANTA:  MASTER OF THE EDGED WEAPON!

Ty the Guy OUT!

NOW your BONUS Christmas Stocking Cover:

This image is a fascinating collection of what the hell?

Click below to see past Christmas lists and Christmas Toons:

AND it’s a little late to get ’em for your stocking, you can still order SKETCHBOOK by TY for a little post-Christmas goodness. Click below to get the details, and to see some pages;