Deadline Doom Bun Toons! BOO! @#(*&!

‘Tis the season to placate editors.

The deadline is not just looming, it’s zooming past, and I don’t have five spare minutes to sleep or eat without drawing, so I certainly can’t draw something else….The Bun Toon must re-run this week…I’m out of choices.

Here’s two of LAST YEAR’S holiday themed Bun Toons to satisfy your ravenous appetite for rabbit based cartoon stories.

See you next week, when HOPEFULLY I’m a little caught up.

In theory, that Bun Toon above works just as well with Mueller as with Santa.

And now, this:

Merry non-denominational holiday season to you and yours.

Ty the Guy OUT!

To find the answers to these important animal questions, click the link above to last week’s BUN TOON

 

More Holiday Bun Toons! YAY!

Here I am, wearing my fine Christmas Hat.

I don’t care that’s it’s been a lousy year.  I’m having Christmas season all month, and you can’t stop me.    It’s my favourite month of the year, mostly because of the cheery X-Mas festivities we do up here in the Great White North that might be unfamiliar to our southern neighbours.  Let me explain…

Who didn’t know Santa was a Canuck?  Show of hands?

Ty the Guy OUT!

Is it just me, or is more going on, metaphorically, with that broom than I want to know about.  And where did all those snowballs come from?

And now…for your BONUS Christmas Story…

---

For last week’s Christmas Themed Bun Toon, click the logo above.

For Bun Toons from Xmas Past, click here!

Holiday Bun Toons! YAY!

The turkeys are dead.  It’s about time.

It’s the first weekend after Bleak Friday.  Across North America, people are joyously celebrating the holiday spirit.

Or not.

 

Take heart, the year has more than four weeks left.  There’s time for mischief and destruction yet undreamt.

Ty The Guy OUT!

For a brief shining moment, I was going to do a Bun Toon about Mrs. Brady and Fidel Castro trapped in a gladiatorial arena, knife fighting for all eternity, but in the end, I recalled that Florence Henderson had family, and there’s boundaries of taste.

Of course, Castro and Henderson did have one other thing in common, besides checking out on the same day.

They were both comic book characters, of course.

Is it just me, or does Susan Olson look like Betty White on this cover?

Okay, we ALL see that this one looks like Betty White, no?

---

For the solution to the blues, click last week’s Bun Toon here

For the Bun Toon Archive from better years than 2016, click here

Go Forth, Young Bunny! YAY!

This year’s #4 position, BOTH the most popular and the least popular, come from the last couple of weeks.  It was a wild swing in readership from one week to the next this December, but that’s standard around here.  You fickle monsters make me paint my backside and dance, and sometimes you love me, and sometimes it’s head first into the mud holes.

Not that I’m complaining, mind you.  I know how complaining comic book artists get treated on the internet….

For example…

For those who don’t recall this tempestuous teapot, back at the beginning of December, a comic book artist (of my generation) named Pat Broderick had a word or two to say about cosplayers ruining conventions for people who turned out to be the same age, height and weight as Pat Broderick.  It was something about women in skimpy outfits blocking aisles, not earning their place, and generally being on his lawn when he clearly wanted to get them off his lawn.

Pat’s probably a wonderful guy, and the backlash was more about how inelegantly he complained about getting older, than any real animosity towards him, but for god’s sake, don’t wear any odd hats around the man…he’s nervous.

—————————————————————————————————

Our #4 LEAST favourite Bun Toon was the following week.   My fame and fortune crumbled and died in a scant seven days, and all because I cut off Santa’s foot.

I’ve learned my lesson.  No more hurting Santa Claus.  To make it up to my emotionally damaged readers, here’s one of my MOST popular Christmas Bun Toons from a couple of years ago, in which I do not hurt Santa at all, except for one or two moments in the “agonizer”.

—————————————————————————————————-

See you tomorrow, for the THIRD most and least popular Bun Toons of the year….neither of which will be from the month of December, I promise.

Ty the Guy OUT!

And a Merry Blue Year! YAY!

See you guys for the Bun Toon Countdown next week!

Happy happy.

Ty, the Guy.

Holiday Bun Toons! YAY!

If there’s anything that you want…if there’s anything I can do…just call on me, and I’ll send it along…

I didn’t want to be the one to break this story, but there’s been a lot of controversy lately, and only the actual truth will put the rumours to rest.

I’m sorry if there were any kids reading this.  But we all have to grow up and face the real world some time.

Ty the Guy OUT!

Now, today’s amusing ponderable…

What was Schultz trying to tell us?  Sparky might have been more subtle than we know…

—————————————————————————————————

For last week’s re-run Bat-Toon extravaganza, click the link above

For previous Christmas Bun Toons, Santa Lists, and Cover Galleries, click the merry moose above

Christmas Bun Toons! YAY!

happy cringle and the merry middle moose.

The winter solstice is upon us soon, and, unless that Mayan Calendar is to be believed, Christmas is leaping up quicker than a tiger at a steak convention.  For a half-Jewish atheist from Canada, it’s a special time of a year for me and my family.  So I share…

Yes Virginia, there is a Prince of Darkness.  But he’s not worth the bicycle.

I wonder if the snow falling on this Bun Toon will put out the fire in Lucifer’s heart?  We can only hope.

Ty the Guy OUT!

Here now, your BONUS Satan Comic Book Christmas!

It is not well known, but the SON OF SATAN comic book produced by Marvel Comics in the mid-seventies was the result of a typo.  It was originally going to be marketed as “SON OF SANTA”…

…which is why Damian’s sled is always being pulled by hell-beast versions of Dancer and Prancer and Blitzen.

———————————————————————————————

For last week’s Bun Toon about the Fantastic Four, click the Invisible Woman above…what do you mean you can’t see her?

For every Bun Toon ever (and yes, the archives have been updated!) click the very positive bunny above.

Holiday Bun Toons! YAY!

For the Great Pumpkin commands me!

Ever since I was a child, the great debate was about which holiday was the best all year.   To me, it was never close.

It’s not even close.

Ty the Guy OUT!

And now, as if there was still a chance Christmas was still in the running, here’s your BONUS Halloween Comic Book Moments.

Today is FREE HALLOWEEN COMIC BOOK DAY! Come to the shop and get this BATMAN ADVENTURES comic book (written and drawn by Dan Slott and Ty Templeton!) for FREE!

Today is FREE HALLOWEEN COMIC BOOK DAY! Come to the shop and get this Marvel Adventures comic book (featuring Spider-Man, written and drawn by Dan Slott and Ty Templeton!) for FREE!

Yes!  It’s FREE COMIC BOOK DAY in the fall, and it features not one, but TWO comics by Dan Slott and myself.  Remember, you can’t spell “FREE COMICS” without Dan Slott and Ty Templeton.  And I’ll be appearing in person at STADIUM COMICS  in Brampton’s SHOPPERS WORLD MALL to give the lovely treats away!  (See yesterday’s Art Land Post for details).

And hey…don’t forget my latest issue of Ultimate Spider-Man Adventures is on sale today as well.  (Though you have to pay for that one…)

What wacky Halloween adventures do I have in store for Spidey This Month?!?

Who says it isn’t the Ty Templeton Age of Spider-Man Halloween Comics?

———————————————————————————————-

For last week’s “controversial conversation betwixt father and son” Bun Toon, click above.

For the archive of past Bun Toons (which needs an update, I know, stop nagging me, I promise I’ll do it!) click above

Ride ’em Kringle! The Top Seven Alternative Methods of Transportation for Santa Claus.

These titles are getting longer, just like the nights.

With the price of gas, the concern for the environment, and the need to be ahead of the hipness curve, people are talking about alternative transportation.

Therefore, so are we.

THE TOP SEVEN ALTERNATIVES TO SANTA’S TRADITIONAL SLEIGH.

Number #7

THE  SNOWMOBILE

What makes this Dennis the Menace cover from 1967 an outstanding example of the commonplace sleigh-Skidoo-switcheroo genre is the gleeful mix of reindeer abandonment and felony kidnapping.

Number #6

 The Grim Toboggan.  

The man in the top hat knows that the night of swallowing uppers, bathtub gin, and the lies of a red-suited lumberjack have led to this… their deaths on a plummeting toboggan.

Number #5

The Sex Rocket

With two balls of spitting fire and a control basket jammed tight up into Father Ho-Ho’s man-business, Dell’s Santa Claus Funnies #66 produced an image from my childhood I’ve never been able to un-see.  Whatever madness gripped their cover artist to produce this Freudian nightmare, thank god it never happened again.

Number #4

The Sex Jeep.

He’s riding the steering wheel with his balls!   His BALLS, people!  How is this going to happen?   Once Santa realized how ill fitting this jeep was for his ungainly physique, he simply wouldn’t have started the engine.  Use logic!   Think of the children!

Number #3

 The Future Tech Cyborg Hovercar Thing, Mounted with the Severed Head of Rudolph, Kept Alive by Cruel Science

That’s what I see here.  I might be wrong, but I think that’s the hellish dystopia that lays ahead for Rudolph in the world of Archie 3000.   I truly hope this is saving a lot of gasoline or something, or it’s just a tragic waste of a glowing deer.

Number #2

FEAR.

Fear gives you the wings that Red Bull only promises you, and it  gets you two blocks away faster than a bus.  The people terrifying St. Nick here include a serial killer, a demon with hell-born powers, a homicidal rage addict shouting death threats, and a pagan deity with the power to summon lightning.  RUN,  Santa!  Don’t slow down for Blitzen, he’s already lost!

Number #1

Human Enslavement.

Kids: If looking at this makes you ticklish, see a doctor.

When the reindeer are on strike, or have been recently eaten (in this economy, meat is expensive), Santa turns to people with super-powers, and enslaves them to his will.

It was a either a life of servitude, or be put to the fire.

Bwah hah hah! You must do my bidding Superman! I control your very WILL!

Tune in tomorrow when we look below the phony beard and uncover the legion of Imposter Santas!

Ty the Guy OUT!

Now, your BONUS Alternate Transportation Santas:

It’s Jerry Garcia from the Grateful Dead. He’s taking a trip without the sleigh, get it? Get it? It’s that 70s drug humor that Chevy Chase made famous.

Okay then, we’ll leave you with this.

Why do I find this funny? It's because it's a Vortex comic, right?

Click below for more Christmas joy:

SINGING SWORD OF SANTA: The Top Seven Santas with a Bladed Weapon

Click here for last year's post.

Where the First Noel meets the First to draw blood.  Where the Slay Bells can be heard.  When there’s murder coming down the chimney.  Something about the happy holidays brings out the cynical bastard and the terrible pun comedy writer in a certain segment of the population, and that segment creates and reads comic books, clearly.

Last year I ran a few Santa Comic covers involving Father Christmas and gun play.  This season, we go the more medieval route and deal with the sharp, pointy Christmas every emergency room can enjoy.  Get out the band-aids and “score” along at home, kiddies, it’s why he’s called St. “Nick”.   Here’s …

THE TOP SEVEN COMIC BOOK SANTAS WITH AN EDGE

#7

DON’T MAKE SANTA CUT YOU, MAN!

It’s by far the smallest blade we’ll be seeing today, on, by far, the most famous comic.  Frank Miller wrote this issue (and I believe did a thumbnail cover sketch) so you can assume Santa is attacking Matt Murdoch because he’s a smelly, blind, protester.  This iconic Daredevil image (actually rendered by David Mazzucchelli) is both a delightful entry into the Pointy Santa genre, and an opportunity to call Frank Miller an asshole in public again, and we all enjoy that.

 #6

PUNS ARE FUN

Everyone succumbs to this joke when they run out of pride, and it usually involves lol cats with red hats on.  This cover above is a good example of the Santa Claws with pointy fingers genre, but the real winner is Mike Deodato’s seminal work on the subject “What if Santa Claus and Wolverine Had a Love Child?” from last year’s Monster Santas List.    It’s worth noting that Deodato begins his career in the comics biz with the cover to the left.  Now he draws the Avengers with the real life Wolverine in it.  Dreams do come true.

#5

UP ON THE ROOFTOP, RUN LIKE HELL!

You’ve heard of Axe-Cop?  Meet Axe-Santa, the lovable elf with no time for subtlety or living witnesses.  Creepy Magazine was so happy with the idea of an axe-wielding Kris Kringle that they brought him back more than once.

Later, he got INSIDE the house. Ho ho horrifying!

#4

FORGED IN THE FIRES OF THE NORTH POLE!

These Katana blades are cursed.  Once drawn, they must taste the blood of naughty children or thousands will die.  Or something like that.  The darn thing writes itself.

#3

Dodgem Logic.

Santa is the reaper of death, carrying a HUGE scythe,  riding us all down on a hell-reindeer.  That’s seven levels of awesome sauce in the same jar. Alan Moore edits and publishes this magazine, so it’s sure to be adapted into a film he’ll be taking his name off of, any day now.  It’s probably about wizard magic, hemp rings and Thatcher’s politics anyway, so you’re not missing much.

#2

By This Axe, I Yule.

( I told you puns are fun.)

You know this guy got the axe by taking it from the cold dead hands of the skinny red bastard on the Creepy covers a few entries back. This is a Santa who knows how to stop creatures from stirring all through the house. What could possibly be better than the man who brings you the blessings of Crom’s hatred each winter?

#1

SAMURAI SANTA

You asked what could be better, and I delivered.   This too-cool-for-yule bad ass stoneface killer is the ultimate in blade based Christmas covers.  There’s no possible way any Santa could ever be more…

#1 +

SAVAGE  SAMURAI SANTA vs. GINGERBREAD NINJAS

I stand corrected.  Everything is better if it’s “Savage”,“New”, “Extreme”  or “wrapped in tasty bacon”, and when don’t we want more ninjas?    Most importantly, look at his eyes;  he’s preparing to totally KILL DOWN on those gingerbread dragon-tong-sensei-kung-fu-cookie-men, so I’m on his side!

Next year:  New Bacon-Wrapped Savage Samurai Santa in Extreme Warrior Lemon Scented Action.  He’ll be fighting vampires, if they know their marketing.

Ty the Guy OUT!

Here now, your BONUS Santa with a Blade

It’s a different kind of blade, obviously.