Click here for last year's post.
Where the First Noel meets the First to draw blood. Where the Slay Bells can be heard. When there’s murder coming down the chimney. Something about the happy holidays brings out the cynical bastard and the terrible pun comedy writer in a certain segment of the population, and that segment creates and reads comic books, clearly.
Last year I ran a few Santa Comic covers involving Father Christmas and gun play. This season, we go the more medieval route and deal with the sharp, pointy Christmas every emergency room can enjoy. Get out the band-aids and “score” along at home, kiddies, it’s why he’s called St. “Nick”. Here’s …
THE TOP SEVEN COMIC BOOK SANTAS WITH AN EDGE
DON’T MAKE SANTA CUT YOU, MAN!
It’s by far the smallest blade we’ll be seeing today, on, by far, the most famous comic. Frank Miller wrote this issue (and I believe did a thumbnail cover sketch) so you can assume Santa is attacking Matt Murdoch because he’s a smelly, blind, protester. This iconic Daredevil image (actually rendered by David Mazzucchelli) is both a delightful entry into the Pointy Santa genre, and an opportunity to call Frank Miller an asshole in public again, and we all enjoy that.
PUNS ARE FUN
Everyone succumbs to this joke when they run out of pride, and it usually involves lol cats with red hats on. This cover above is a good example of the Santa Claws with pointy fingers genre, but the real winner is Mike Deodato’s seminal work on the subject “What if Santa Claus and Wolverine Had a Love Child?” from last year’s Monster Santas List. It’s worth noting that Deodato begins his career in the comics biz with the cover to the left. Now he draws the Avengers with the real life Wolverine in it. Dreams do come true.
UP ON THE ROOFTOP, RUN LIKE HELL!
You’ve heard of Axe-Cop? Meet Axe-Santa, the lovable elf with no time for subtlety or living witnesses. Creepy Magazine was so happy with the idea of an axe-wielding Kris Kringle that they brought him back more than once.
Later, he got INSIDE the house. Ho ho horrifying!
FORGED IN THE FIRES OF THE NORTH POLE!
These Katana blades are cursed. Once drawn, they must taste the blood of naughty children or thousands will die. Or something like that. The darn thing writes itself.
Santa is the reaper of death, carrying a HUGE scythe, riding us all down on a hell-reindeer. That’s seven levels of awesome sauce in the same jar. Alan Moore edits and publishes this magazine, so it’s sure to be adapted into a film he’ll be taking his name off of, any day now. It’s probably about wizard magic, hemp rings and Thatcher’s politics anyway, so you’re not missing much.
By This Axe, I Yule.
( I told you puns are fun.)
You know this guy got the axe by taking it from the cold dead hands of the skinny red bastard on the Creepy covers a few entries back. This is a Santa who knows how to stop creatures from stirring all through the house. What could possibly be better than the man who brings you the blessings of Crom’s hatred each winter?
You asked what could be better, and I delivered. This too-cool-for-yule bad ass stoneface killer is the ultimate in blade based Christmas covers. There’s no possible way any Santa could ever be more…
SAVAGE SAMURAI SANTA vs. GINGERBREAD NINJAS
I stand corrected. Everything is better if it’s “Savage”,“New”, “Extreme” or “wrapped in tasty bacon”, and when don’t we want more ninjas? Most importantly, look at his eyes; he’s preparing to totally KILL DOWN on those gingerbread dragon-tong-sensei-kung-fu-cookie-men, so I’m on his side!
Next year: New Bacon-Wrapped Savage Samurai Santa in Extreme Warrior Lemon Scented Action. He’ll be fighting vampires, if they know their marketing.
Ty the Guy OUT!
Here now, your BONUS Santa with a Blade
It’s a different kind of blade, obviously.