Tag Archives: Iron Man

A Very Brief Moment of Silence Bun Toons! YAY!

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Out of respect for the dead, let’s give it a minute, maybe a minute and a half.

Just in case there’s someone out there not reading the current run of CIVIL WAR II: there might be some gigantic spoilers coming up in today’s Bun Toon.

So avert your eyes and turn away.  Everyone else, read about…

marvel heaven

I give Marvel a year or less to bring Hulk back, they might even do it before Civil War is finished.  War Machine and Black Goliath might be settling in for a few rounds of bridge, though, especially since we now have an All-New Wasp, and an All-New Female Iron Man to worry about for a while as third generation versions of founding Avengers.

Ty the Guy OUT!


It’s hardly the first time someone has killed off the Hulk.  Bill Bixby and Lou Ferrigno did it back in the Eighties.

The_Death_of_the_Incredible_Hulk

I maintain that this film is best enjoyed in VHS format, with the tracking bar malfunctioning.

death vhx

It’s as exciting as that image suggests it is.  In the gripping film, Hulk is killed by falling from a helicopter, about a hundred a thirty feet.  No need for Hawkeye.

Iron_Man_Vol_1_284

Of course, they kill off versions of Iron Man all the time.


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For last week’s Bun Toon, click here.

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For the Bun Toon archives of years past, click here.

Doin’ it all for Love Bun Toons! YAY!

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But are we appreciated?  Are we…?

Sigh.

We have only so much love to give…

WHAT WE GO THROUGH websize

At the end of this life, when I meet St. Peter,  he’s going to want a recap of all the Flash-Arrow crossover episodes, I just know it.  I’m not wasting my time.

Ty the Guy, Passing OUT!

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Valentine’s Bonus Moment:

SUPERHEROES IN LOVE

Valentine’s Bonus Moment 2: a sketch I did last year at a store appearance featuring my favourite lovin’ couple in all of comics.

harley joker in love

Can’t ya just FEEL the tingly tummies and butterflies?  Ah, love.

empty love

Valentine’s Bonus Bonanza #3:  my cover contribution to the wonderful series, “EMPTY LOVE STORIES” from some years back – in the days when there was nothing “dirty” about taking a pie in the punim.

Brought to you by Steve Darnall and the gang at FUNNY VALENTINE PRESS.

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for last week’s Deadpool-centric Bun Toon, click here!

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For the Bun Toon archive (now with vitamin B12) click here

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You want to learn to write and draw comic books?  If you’re in the Toronto area, click the link to find out more about our upcoming classes:  How to draw Superheroes (and the human figure) FROM YOUR HEAD 101 – and HOW TO WRITE COMICS 101, both coming up in less than two weeks!

Summer Blockbuster Bun Toons! YAY!

The webcomic is free, but we make our money on the popcorn and soda

The webcomic is free, but we make our money on the popcorn and soda

Hollywood relies on the summer blockbuster as an integral part of their fiscal year.  Without the hundreds of millions worth of income the summer brings the studios, there would be no money left for the budgets of next year’s miserable bombs.  So if you want any more Green Lanterns or John Carters to be made, you have to see this year’s crap to give them the liquidity.

But for those who just want to watch the cream of the crop, don’t worry, I’ve reviewed EVERY summer comic book movie, before any of them have come out.  How can I do it?

I have mystic powers…

movie predictions rev

I know all…I see all…if only Hollywood came to me first, we could save everyone a lot of trouble.

Ty the Guy OUT!

When it comes to Comic Book based movies, there is only ONE possible bonus moment:

When one considers the high quality talent associated with this film, it's almost against science that this film is so, so, so bad.

If one considers the high quality talent associated with this film, it’s almost against the laws of physics that this film is so, so, so genuinely awful.

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For last week's Lois Lane at 75 Bun Toon, click the fun lettering above

For last week’s Lois Lane at 75 Bun Toon, click the fun lettering above

For the Bun Toon archive, please click the bunny with the bun

For the Bun Toon archive, please click the bunny with the bun

Let Them Eat Avengers Cake!

I’ve been a busy Canadian Beaver here for the last few weeks (it’s why I’ve been slightly blog absent, but for my award-wishing Bun Toons comics) making Spider-Man for the peoples (Avenging Spider-Man #8 and Ultimate Spider-Man Adventures #3, both out in stores SOON!), and starting up the next Award-Hoping issue of HOLMES INCORPORATED (in store in a few months, so I’ll get more pushy about that later)!!

But in the meantime, because you folks are just so suh-weet,  I pass along to you some of the sweet and magnificent creations of my sweet and magnificent daughter-in-law.

Vector from Despicable Me (a cake topper–don’t have a pic of the finished cake, sorry)

We’ve featured her confectionery sculpting a few times here on the blog, but in the spirit of the Assembling Avengers that is sweeping the culture I give you more geek-cred samples of Jessica Costley: Ass Kicking Cake Boss!

Layers of cake based goodness…ASSEMBLE!

And because one hammer is NEVER enough (that’s what she said)…

Mjolnir, Baby!!

Is this fair?  I get to write and draw Spider-Man and the Simpsons, I get to be married to the World’s Bestest Gal, and I have a daughter-in-law who makes these magnificent baked masterpieces.

I win.

Ty the Guy OUT!

 (I’ll have just a small piece, thanks.  I’m saving room for Chicken Kiev and caviar.)

Here now, your Bonus Comic Book Cake Moment:

Not one of Jessica’s cakes, but the expression is divinely insane. Who wants a nice slice of Hulk Face?

When Santas Attack! The Top 7 Homicidal Santa Comics

Christmas is a time for giving, for sharing, and for running for your lives from a St. Nick gone mad.

We start our Christmas week countdown, here at Art Land, with the Top Seven  homicidal Santas on a killing spree.  Beware, kids…SANTA CLAUS IS COMING TO TOWN!

#7

We start slow.  This Santa is armed and likely dangerous, and I’m worried that I can’t see his eyes…but at least he’s not opened fire…YET.  The only one he’s currently harming is himself with that cancer stick.  BAD Santa.  BAD.

#6

My favorite part of this is that Santa has clearly decapitated Sonic and his pals, and the only expression Sonic can manage is one of mild annoyance.  That’s rolling with the punches, no?

#5

NOW, we’re talking.  Santa is tired of simply LOOKING menacing, and he’s started the hand to hand combat.  If ever there was a reason to go all “EMO” for the holidays, it’s that Santa broke your goddamn jaw.

#4

Punching Robin with the bag of presents:  Not bad.  Shooting at Batgirl:  Excellent.  Trying to escape a snowmobile on a three man bobsled without skis:  That takes a level of insanity that works for me.  Go crazy Santa, GO!

#3

Wearing all those tight fitting clothes UNDER a Santa suit would be hot and itchy, so who can blame Kingpin for opening fire?  And when you consider this happened in DALLAS…?  It’s a wonder Mr. Fisk didn’t die of heat stroke before he had a chance to shoot someone.

#2

It’s not like the elves know how to build armor piercing bullets, so I don’t see what this homicidal Santa is trying to achieve, unless he’s attempting suicide by super-hero.  If Iron Man has dipped into the spiked egg nog (as is his wont) then this could end very badly.

#1

By far, the best homicidal Santa cover of all time.  Dig that crazy expression on the dude driving the motorized sleigh, fellow babies.  And he’s not just running down pedestrians…he’s running down INJURED pedestrians.  That’s a killer Santa I can respect.  Don’t give ’em a chance, Kris Kringle.  Once they’re dead, the voices in your head will finally stop!

That’s it for today.  Join us tomorrow for the TOP SEVEN MONSTER SANTAS, it’s sure to give you kids the same nightmares that today’s list gave you.

Ty the Guy OUT!

Here now, your Christmas Comic moment of Zen:

Isn't the Phantom Strange the spirit of the Roman guard who killed Christ? I seem to remember that from Secret Origins...Nice artwork on this cover, though...

Iron Man 2. Not too bad, but that’s about it.

Yesterday was my birthday, and I indulged myself in a little Iron Man filmgoing instead of a full 12 hour workday.   Now, I’m an old and crotchety scoundrel, and rarely find a comic book movie that I can recommend to people, but Iron Man 1 was one of those rare movies.  The original was clever and exciting, with an Academy Award winning cast, wonderful human moments of character interaction next to epic moments of HUGE Marvel punch-em-outs, gleefully updating the Iron Man story with flawless ease.

War Machine: A new actor, and a GIANT plot hole, all in one tepid character this time out.

I’m afraid the sequel is not playing in the same league.  Iron Man 2 is a fun little romp, entertaining for the two hours you’re sitting there, but it is not in the same league.  This sequel is dumb where the original was smart.  It’s slow fat in the middle, where the original was fast paced.  And perhaps most unforgivably, this is a sequel about the Iron Man suit itself, and not really about the man within it.

So, it’s an adequate movie with some very cool special effects, and some fun fight scenes.  That’s what I get for my twelve bucks, and I couldn’t ask for more.    But I’d come to expect a little more from this crew.  I was hoping for another 10, and we got a respectable 7.    It’s got all the bells and whistles that exploding-robot boy movies require.  It’s just missing that hint of humanity, or sparkling character dialog that made the original an instant classic.

Not bad, but that’s about it.

Now, THIS is something to write home about. A sexy Russian super-spy with a leather catsuit designed in the 70s? I'm SO there.

Get these muther-****ing snakes out of this muther-****ing Iron Man suit.

NOTE:  Every scene with Nick Fury (Samuel Jackson) and the Black Widow (Scarlett Johansson), was fantastic.  I’m with the rest of the world and I want my S.H.I.E.L.D.  and BLACK WIDOW movie franchise right now.  If and when you go see this, make sure you sit up and pay attention when Natasha Romanov is onscreen.  She owns every frame of film she’s on, and we totally believe she can take down fifteen people in under a minute.

(By the way…the people she knocks out, maims, hurts, strangles and kicks in the crotch are all security guards working for a legal company, trying to earn a respectable buck to feed their families.  It’s a huge mistake to put blue collar men in the hospital for this scene, as I wasn’t cheering for the Widow so much as I was horrified at the damage she was doing to hard-working, innocent American citizens.  In the context of the story, it couldn’t be helped, but it made the movie a bit mean spirited when it was supposed to be way-cool at that moment.  One of the flaws of tone that run through this film…)

And Mickey Rourke is not too bad.  He’s a two dimensional cartoon action

I got yer Wild Orchid right here, pal.

figure, unlike Bridges’ Obidiah Stane from the last installment (who was chilling, complex and interesting) –but Mickey does his best with an empty script.  I just wish EVERY villain in these movies wasn’t a copy of Iron Man, right down to the technology involved.  We get it.  Evil twins are extra evil.  But it’s been done, and done, and done, and done.

As I said…overall this is a 7 out of 10.  Perfectly acceptable, a passing grade, no one can blame them for not being genius-good every time.

But I was hoping….

Ty the Guy

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The Ten Greatest All-Nude Fight Scenes in Comics

The all-nude fight scene has been a staple of literature since Eve asked Adam to bite into the fruit of knowledge and Adam said, “Make me.”

This can't be legal. And it better not be in a museum somewhere.

And why not?  We like nudity, AND we like fighting.

Back in the really old days, when the Youtube was called “actual Roman gladiators”, naked fighting was literally the “bread” in “bread and circuses“.  The circus part involved lions, but that’s another story.  What matters is that a snarling knock-down, drag-out is better when the delicate goodies are in play, and never more so, then when super-powers are involved.

And so, to continue my scholarly series about the prurient world of comic book decadence (following the highly educational “LOIS LANE: BONDAGE QUEEN” and “Comic Book Easter Zombie Parade” posts), and bring to you…

THE TOP TEN NAKED SUPER-HERO FIGHTS IN COMICS.

But before the festival of naughty bits, three quick ground rules:

RULE #1:
No Adult Comics. No taking the piss out of WARRIOR NUN, DANGER GIRL, VAMPIRELLA, or

Russ Heath's forgotten masterpiece.

ANYTHING HOWARD CHAYKIN HAS WRITTEN as that’s low hanging fruit, and I don’t pick, grab, fondle or tug at so easy a target.    Sadly, it means no COWGIRLS AT WAR, but we’re sticking to mainstream super-heroes—and do I mean STICKING!

RULE #2:
Only one nudie shot per customer.  WOLVERINE, for example, can pop it out of his pants as often as he pops them out of his knuckles… if we don’t impose the limit, the whole list becomes about Logan’s dangly-bits.

RULE #3:
The appearance of nudity isn’t good enough.  The character must have actual genitalia.  Sorry Howard the Duck and Silver Surfer.

As sexy as this super-hot cover seems to be, I consider it cheating if there’s no possibility of balls.

And now, without further ado, or further use of the phrase “dangly-bits”…

#10
AVENGERS ILLUMINATI #1

As a millionaire playa, Tony Stark was always willing to slip out of the Armani suit for the hunnies, and as a drunken gutter dweller, he was willing to step out of the Iron Man suit and give it to his pal Rhodey.  The suit, I mean.   Clearly Tony is very willing to drop trou, and that’s why he’s so calm, cool and TEACHING SCHOOL in this nude-fight classic.  With nothing but his “little Iron Man” to help him, and a few well remembered “training sessions” with Steve Rogers, Tony Stark smoothly kicks butt while his own is dancing in the breeze.

This is why they call him "Shell-Head".

IN TONY’S FAVOR:  Skrulls are not human, so it’s like being naked in front of your cat.  The things I do naked in front of my cats would get me arrested if I was doing them in front of say, the neighbors, tied up in my shower–

#9
The Watchmen.  Issue 12

Flee, enemies of democracy! The American Superman can stay clothed for only SO LONG...

The Watchmen is the greatest super-hero comic book of all time so it has to be on all lists that include the words “greatest” and “super-hero”.  Lucky for us, the naked fight scene between Rorschach and Doc Manhattan in Issue 12 is a keeper!  And it follows memorable  naked quantum physics scenes and naked menage a doppelganger scenes that changed my dating ambitions forever.

The socio-political implications of Alan Moore’s narrative and the intricate mechanism of this novel have been discussed endlessly by greater critics than I, so I’ll just leave you with two thoughts:

1)  It’s bad enough being killed by a friend, but killed by one waving his little blue weenie at you is insulting.
2)   Rorschach said was naked without his mask on, so he’s joining Doctor Manhattan’s free spirit–dying with his nose and lips exposed.

No matter what else, this is a dick move. Oh, and I've ruined the ending of the novel for you. Which is a dick move on my part.

#8
HOVERBOY #91
Hoverboy vs. Doc Natural.

With all the tags that say "nude Super-hero" this cover is going to get a lot of web hits.

If ever there was a reason to avoid calling him “The Bucket Headed Super-Hero” this issue is it.  After being hit with “fiber melting herbs” by the hippie super-villain Doc Natural, Hoverboy is forced to fight crime in the nude.  He learns to avoid shame by reading the first part of Genesis over and over, and eventually smacking anyone in the face who looks at him “down there”.

#7
TARZAN VS. TUBLAT the GORILLA

If you’re into the twin aesthetics of decorative baroque, and boy’s pink bums, you can’t do better than Burne Hogarth’s TARZAN  graphic novel, published in 1972 by Watson-Guptill.

I can't explain this, and I won't even try.

Freed of the comics code, Tarzan is naked for the first hundred pages…and just so you’d know where Burne’s bread was buttered, we are shown nothing but Greystokes curiously un-tanned buttocks for those hundred pages– the Jungle Lord’s crown jewels were hidden in shadows, or behind vines or strategically placed gorillas the whole time.  But, oh those glistening backside orbs were in full display–page after page—bulbously leaping from tree to tree in a cascade of male glute flesh rarely seen outside a clergyman’s rectory.

There really is a lot of this, all through the book.

And when Tublat (Tarzan’s gorilla father) starts messing with Kala (Tarzan’s gorilla mother), we’re treated to the second bloodiest naked super-hero fight scene on the list.

Um...could you check out what's happening in panel one?

EXTRA NAKED POINTS:  Everyone in this scene is stripped to the gonzos, INCLUDING TARZAN’S MOM!  I dare you to fight someone while your mom is watching nude.

#6
LEGEND OF AQUAMAN SPECIAL

Bark like a sea lion, boy! I said BARK!

If you didn’t want to see an “in the buff” teen-Aquaman fighting a grown man in rubber pants, then why have you read this far?  Seriously.  Some self examination is in order.

Don't sass me, nude boy. I'll teach you who wears the rubber pants around here!

Okay, I get that Aquaman’s origin story was kinda like “Tarzan of the Fish”, and if his dolphin pals weren’t ashamed of their blow holes, why should he be?  But this scene  goes that extra special mile for its entertainment dollar.  It involves, rubber pants, choking, punching, animal noises and a young lad tied starkers and spread in a chair.  That’s at least three-fifty downtown, but the comic retailed for two dollars, quite a bang for your buck in 1989.  You always wondered why Aquaman has such a devoted following–  it’s not just because he can breathe underwater.

How did THIS scene end up in a DC comic?!?

#5
MARVEL COMICS PRESENTS #77

Pants? I know I brought pants...

I wasn’t kidding about how often Logan goes sans pants. They even have a special term to alert the students at the X-Mansion when Wolverine is “sunnin’ the package”: It’s called “mid-afternoon”.

But of all the nudie Wolverine fights, this is the yardstick against which all others are measured.  And if you’re measuring with a yardstick, you’re already impressing me.

The zenith of Logan’s multi-issue

Graaah! Graah! Snarrlll! Graaahhh!

birthday suit wood romp comes when he fights the equally unclothed and competitively hirsute wolves in MCP: WEAPON X #77, and bathes in their mighty blood when it’s all done.  The most badass moment in comics is suitably bare assed and  has been referenced again and again.

Snarrll....grrrrr.....grrrrr....I swear to GOD I had pants....

#4
Ultimates #9

Big deal, you gotta take a PILL to be called "Giant Man".

Millar and Hitch’s Ultimates run was a leader in the naked fight scene genre, with an average of one naked fight per 3.7 issues.  The Cap/Naked Giant Man fight from #9 is my favorite, simply because it  involves a giant guy waggling the wand six stories above your head.

One of the most important aspects of a man to man fight is the ability to look your opponent in the eye and say belittling things to him.  But when you have to crane your neck just to glimpse your opponent’s eyes behind his BUICK-SIZED REPRODUCTIVE SAUSAGE, it’s a trifle intimidating!

And Cap hands Hank the beat down that he had coming all the same.  THAT’S why you salute the man with the shield.

Hank goes DOWN! Hank goes DOWN! Into the big, phallic tube-y things!

#3
Batman #357.

WTF? This is in a published comic? At least Bruce is saying "NO".

This can’t be a co-incidence.  There’s no way that the editor was  unaware that the first two words in this naked fight scene are “swish” and “Dick..?”–  WHICH WERE THE TITLES OF MY FIRST TWO HOMO-EROTIC HAIKU!!  Someone had to be spying on me.

And the second page of this memorable sequence begins with another unfortunately worded balloon that I’m not going to type up, in case I enjoy it more than I should.  Just read it yourself…out loud if the elderly are present.

This had to be a prank. This was never published...

And it all ends with a spread eagle boy wonder, and naked Bruce looking down on him, again saying “Dick…?”.  Don’t take my word for it.  Follow Bruce’s stare….Go check, I’ll wait.

It was as though the editorial team at DC had decided to give into the fan mail they’d been getting from “that anti-Wertham” crowd, and just let them have one issue to call their own.

I think the story had something to do with mind control, and Hugo Strange, and something like that.  Did anyone read the other eighteen pages in this issue when people were wearing clothes?  My copy won’t open.

#2
ULTIMATE HULK ANNUAL #1

Okay. He's naked, and unashamed. Got it?

This is special in so many ways.  First off, the Ultimate Hulk was a walking naked fight scene from the word go.  That was is raison d’etre, his meaning in life, his chewy center.  He doesn’t care if he defeats the Leader, or The Abomination…he just wants to meet a special someone and settle down, and the nudity was his version of Hulk Sized Foreplay.

This ANNUAL is nothing more than a big, long, extended, full length, and blood engorged naked fight scene that ends in a punch to the cojones that was visible from space.  And the subject

Ohh. Strike one against the Mighty Nards of the Hulk. The "Nulks".

matter of the fight?  Some chick named Zarda gets hired by Captain America to make the Hulk wear pants.  She attacks his Hulklings until he agrees, and then they go to a motel and snuggle like very bad bunnies who are not married to each other, and might not even be considering a formal engagement.   No wonder comics are considered literature nowadays.

And one more 'nad cruncher, in case you're missing the subtlety of the story.

#1
BATMAN CONFIDENTIAL #18

This is why we all evolved to have eyes.

When the end comes, and the world is crumbling around me due to nuclear devastation or social upheaval, this is the comic I take with me to the escape shelter.  Full Respect to Fabian Nicieza and Kevin Maguire for making this objet d’art for us to enjoy.

Okay. That's a nice drawing.

The story has something to do with Catwoman stealing something, and running into an all-nude fetish club to escape Batgirl chasing her…and Batgirl follows her in and stuff happens.  Good god, I’m heterosexual, how am I supposed to remember the plot?

You’ll notice how sparse this list has been for naked super-HEROINE fights…up until now.  Oh, sure, She-Hulk and Black Cat do sometimes get all jiggy with their bid’ness, but they don’t seem to be PUNCHING anyone when they do it.  And Danger Girl and Codename:  Knockout don’t count if that’s ALL they do.  But THIS…?   This is naked fighting, folks, not naked prancing.  You want naked prancing, visit your congressman.

Honestly, it just goes on like this for pages and pages...

There are other naked fight scenes in comics.  I seem to remember Magneto fighting for his life in the shower.  And let’s never forget Bruce Banner’s narrow escape from Jim Shooter’s Traveling Shower Rape Stereotype Duo from that Rampaging Hulk in the Eighties…Ah, those memories I can’t seem to purge.

If you’ve got a naked fight scene you’d like to see featured in this column, please drop us a line.   We’re always willing to look at naked people smacking at each other, whether they’re flying through the air or not.

That’s it for today.  A long one, but a good one.  (That’s what she said!)

I’ll see everyone back here tomorrow for some all new BUN TOONS!  A new installment of LAST ROUNDUP ON THE SINISTER SPACECRAFT OF FORBIDDEN LOVE, and MORE!

Ty the Guy


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