Tag Archives: Luke Cage

Family Values Bun Toons! YAY!

00bun toons logo small

Think of the CHILDREN!!

You think it’s easy living in this modern world?

It’s a struggle.  Each and every day.

peak geek

Ty the Guy OUT!

I should point out, young Spock has been around the Trek universe almost since the beginning.

spock_young-tas-03

He first appeared in the animated episode YESTERYEAR, a time travelling Spock-Meets-Himself-as-a-Child story.  It’s actually, a pretty good Trek episode, but it gets death-duel arguments from Trekkies about it’s level of canonical acceptance.

young spock 5

Of course, there’s Genesis Planet Spock, grown from his own dead cells to house his own katra on Star Trek’s Eden World.

Spock,_age_17

A couple of scenes later, we are treated to “Pon-Farr” Teen-Spock and his very special after school episode with Lt. Saavik.

yng spIII01

“This won’t be creepy, because you’re not the real Saavik anyway.”

And of course, we must include NuTrek’s baby Spock–from the first/eleventh movie.

young spock 1

Okay, I shouldn’t have gotten so excited.

There’s already a LEGION of baby Spocks.  It’s like Spider-Verse at this point.


fiction link

For last week’s Bun Toon, which OBLIQUELY references the new Star Trek Discovery series, click the words FICTION EXPLAINED.

Happy Healthy Bun Toons! YAY!

Follow my advice, and like me, you'll live forever!

Follow my advice, and like me, you’ll live forever!

I’m nothing if not generous with helpful tips on how to make it as a big shot funny book artist such as myself.   Over the years I’ve shared the behind-the- scenes down low on who to pay off, who to give back rubs to, and who to smear with pudding.  I’ve taught you how to clean your brush, how to use your brush, and how to prepare your brush with a nice cheese sauce when the publisher never pays you.

Come with me once more, as the Bun Toons reveal…

healthy secrets of the pros

I’d have more to say on the subject, but I need to pee, and it’s up a flight of stairs.

Ty the Guy OUT!

Now, here’s your BONUS:

strength and fitness marvel style

Not a hoax.  Not an imaginary tale.  Marvel published this in the late Seventies (I think, don’t make me get my copy and read the indicia).  Anyone want to see a mid-Seventies Luke Cage do squat thrusts?  Show of hands…?

luke cage squats

Ah, I showed you anyway, and now you’re stuck with the image.

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For last week's long-past-the-freshness-date San Diego Bun Toon, click the cheerful rabbit above

For last week’s long-past-the-freshness-date San Diego Bun Toon, click the cheerful rabbit above

for the Bun Toon archive, click the equally pleased bunny up there

for the Bun Toon archive, click the equally pleased bunny up there

Fightin’ Bun Toons, YAY!

What are you looking at?

It’s all fights and struggle here at Bun Toons today because conflict sells.  No one wants to see people getting along, unless they’re getting along while not  wearing pants, and even then it’s better if they pull out a weapon or two.

Now, who wants a knuckle sandwich, hmm?  I’ll cut you, man.

Ty the Guy OUT!

Here now, your BONUS fighting comic book moment:

Captain Fight….the American way.  That’s the ONLY way for us!

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For last week's bun toon, click Hal's ring.

For every bun toons ever, click the musical notes.

The Top Seven Cheap and Lazy Halloween Costumes for Comic and SF Fans

Every year, Halloween sneaks up on me.  Perhaps it’s the lack of pumpkin carols, but that damn October 31st arrives with me unprepared all the time, and it’s made me a bit of an expert in the quickly-thrown-together costume game.  I’ve spent many costume parties in the laziest, cheapest and dumbest outfits of all time, and now because of the complex instrument that is the inter-tubes, I get to share my vast knowledge of corner-cutting and panache with you, the discerning comic book and SF fan.  Considering the economy, there’s never been a better time for…

THE SEVEN CHEAPEST AND LAZIEST  HALLOWEEN COSTUMES for COMIC and SF FANS

Above: way too much effort

NUMBER 1

You literally couldn’t get lazier than our first one, and yet, it’s one of the best and most recognizable SF icons of the last 30 years.  When you wake up in the morning, and put on your ratty old housecoat to go from bed to bathroom without upsetting the roomies with a glance at the twig and berries, grab a towel on the way out of the commode, and TA-DAA…you’re Arthur Dent.  I actually saw someone wearing this for a costume parade at a convention this year, and I must admit, I wanted to vote for him, just for sheer lazy-clever points.

Any idiot can do this.

NUMBER 2

This one requires a lifetime of preparation, but no effort on Halloween itself.  If you’re six foot three and black, have muscle definition like a steroid addicted MMA fighter, and are willing to shave your head, then we have the perfect disguise for you.  Put on a black t-shirt, and grab a white girlfriend, and you are LUKE CAGE, breakout star of Marvel’s AVENGERS.

Twenty years of weight lifting and one t-shirt and you're done.

Oh sure, Luke’s old costume was a stark reminder that African Americans dressed with too much “flair” in 70s…

His favorite holiday was "Sweet Christmas" anyway...

…but Brian Hitch and Brian Michael Bendis changed all that a few years ago with their minimalist approach to invulnerable black superheroes.  This one will go over great with your nerdiest friends, so long as the idea of a muscular black giant with nerdy friends is not analyzed.

For white people willing to shave their heads.  A nice suit and a pissy attitude makes you PRESIDENT LUTHOR from the animated film SUPERMAN AND BATMAN: PUBLIC ENEMIES, no questions asked.

Note: If you're Howie Mandel, remember to shave the soul patch

NUMBER 3

This idea has ALMOST no work involved, and can be used in three possible ways.  First, grab as destroyed a piece of fabric as you can find in your house (something you formerly used to wash the car with, but is now too scuzzy and damaged for even that).  Then, strip down to the birthday suit, and wrap the fabric around your midsection.

1)  If you can squint and grow a beard, you’re TAYLOR from the original Planet of the Apes.

Charlton Heston is the one on the left, for a change.

2)  If you cannot grow a beard, draw spots on the fabric with a Sharpie and you are Tarzan of the Apes.

Do not include the lion in the costume. It's too much work.

3)   If you have neither a beard or a magic marker, you can claim to be an American home-owner, six months into the future.  As long as it’s the future, it’s still SF.

It's funny because of genuine human suffering

NUMBER 4

This takes a few moments of very slight effort, but no money (unless you count the cost of scotch tape), and it involves recycling, so it’s good for the planet.  Go through your plastics and paper bin, find used cups, old magazines, candy wrappings and the like, and tape them to your body so that you look like a pile of garbage.  When people ask who you’re supposed to be, you tell them you’re movie  star, Mel Gibson.  The laugh is worth the smell.

Gibson and his last friend, out hunting for a career

NUMBER 5

This one requires a pair of sweat pants that really stretch, and an old turkey baster or CD spool.  Simply put the pokey object down the back of your track suit (held tightly between the cheeks, or taped to your upper thighs) and when folks ask, claim to be a UFO abductee.  The thing tenting the back of your pants is the anal probe.  Not only will people enjoy your creativity, you’ll be the one having the most fun on the dance floor.

Not pictured: Those awkward "first date" moments.

NUMBER 6

One for the ladies.  The ultimate in lazy costuming may be the most impressive on the list, but the effect only works the following morning.  Simply don’t show up to the party you’ve been invited to, and tell people that you were there.  Obviously, since no one saw you, you were the Invisible Woman from the Fantastic Four.  Jessica Alba never looked so good, and now you can too.  For the gentlemen, we must go back to the classic INVISIBLE MAN from H.G. Wells.  Try to be invited to dozens of parties you don’t plan to attend, and spread this astounding costume around town.

The Invisible Woman, and I think she's naked.

NUMBER 7

Another great classic that never goes out of style.  As soon as you arrive at the party, instantly find the closet where they hang up the coats, and go inside.  Refuse to come out for the rest of the party and TA-DAA, you’re Jodie Foster, star of the classic film, Contact.  I might be savaged by a high priced Hollywood lawyer for suggesting this, but you’ll be the hit of the get-together.

Please don’t sue me, I’m trying to be funny.

-There, that should get you through any emergency party situation with as little work on your part as possible.  And if these don’t work, remember the advice of Christina Ricci from the ADAMS FAMILY movie, show up in street clothes and tell people you’re a SERIAL KILLER, because they look just like you and me…

but only if you look like this.

-and of course, any hot girl at the party is likely to be a Cylon.  Avoid them at all costs.

You'll be glad you left them alone.

Ty the Guy OUT!

Here now, your comic book moment of zen:

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For more Topical Top List Fun, see last week’s TOP TEN BLACK PRESIDENTS OF SCIENCE FICTION by clicking on Morgan Freeman.  I promise, he’ll be commanding and comforting at the same time, even if we’re all about to die.

The TOP SEVEN BAD MOTHERS IN COMICS

It’s Mother’s Day, and time to celebrate moms, niceness, and cookies, all across North America.  It also happens to be my birthday, so I get to indulge myself this morning, and blog up this list of….

The Top Seven BAD MOTHERS in Comics

You do NOT make this joke, Templeton. Sweet CHRISTMAS you do not make this joke.

#7

Debbie Grayson

"I hope I look sober in this driver's licence photo."

Wife of OMNI-MAN, mother of INVINCIBLE.

You don’t get to pick your mom, that’s old wisdom, but your mom does get to pick your father, and Debbie may have set a world’s record for marrying the worst husband and father in the known universe.  Her youthful crush, Nolan Grayson (super-hero Omni-Man to his legion of fans) turned out to be an alien from the Viltrumite race, who mated with his human pet, specifically to create a son with whom Dad can destroy humanity.  When son Mark starts to exhibit dad’s alien powers, the biggest Oedipal fight scene in comics history ensues, thousands die and Dad is exiled to space forever.  And what does Debbie Grayson do, now that her world has crumbled around her and son needs a mother’s love more than ever?   She settles down into the gutter and drinks herself blind.  Oh sure, if EVER there was a reason to knock back a few wrist benders, the old “my alien husband tried to kill our son” excuse is a good one, but I’m not sure Debbie needed to open the second truckload of Jack Daniels so quickly.

#6

Lara Lor-Van

Ooh, Jor-el. Show me your little rocket.

Kryptonian wife of Jor-el, and mother of Superman.

Lara was an astronaut on her home planet, and she’d been in space a few times (only ladies rode Krypton rockets, as their alien, but primitive catheter technology wasn’t able to cope with the impressive Kryptonian schlongs), so when her world started crashing down around her, she had the training to stay calm and not make terrible decisions…And when her husband tells her there’s a chance for Lara and her baby to survive the end of the world in a space ship he built for the two of them, SHE REFUSES TO GET INTO THE GODDAMNED ROCKET AND GO WITH THE BOY!!

Sure, there’s that moment of romantic self-destruction a good wife offers her husband on Doomsday so he’s feeling pretty manly as he dies, but anyone with an ounce of mother in them goes with the kid or they suck.  It’s why Clark prefers Martha Kent, you know, and only ever pines for his Kryptonian father.   Jor-el stepped up and saved his son’s life.  Lara was a whiny, suicidal dick, and we all know it.

#5

Aline Kominsky-Crumb

Pray to whatever god you believe in that these are not your parents.

I cannot possibly know the first thing about her parenting skills, and I’m certain Aline Kominsky-Crumb is a kind, decent human being, perhaps a far better parent than I ever am.  But…she has written and illustrated a few blunt confessional stories (Dirty Laundry Comics), along with her husband, underground legend Robert Crumb, that feature her obsession with oral copulation, wild sex fantasies, private bathroom time and anything else intensely personal that pops into Aline’s head…ALL WHILE SHE HAS A LIVING, BREATHING TEENAGE DAUGHTER NAMED SOPHIE WHO GOES TO SCHOOL WITH OTHER HUMAN BEINGS!   If you think it’s mortifying to see your mom walking about in a bathrobe in your front yard, imagine mom performing fellatio on infamous dirt-bag Robert Crumb while the planet pays to watch it, and get back to me.

#4

Gwen Stacy

Check out the child-bearing figure! I'll bet she's a GREAT mom!

Mother of twin bastards, Gabriel and Sarah, who look like Peter Parker and Gwen Stacy because of magic/science, and who were raised by the Green Goblin, the man who killed their mom.

Of course it didn’t happen.  It couldn’t have happened, not in a rational world with professional writers and editors who understand their craft…and surely it all went away with the BRAND NEW DAY retcon that fixed all those continuity problems.  But the SINS PAST storyline was written by J. Michael Straczynski, published in Amazing Spider-Man #509-514, and it can’t be ignored in a column such as this.  Gwen Stacy, virginal Queen of Super-hero Girlfriends decided to give her “special flower” to her beloved boyfriend’s roommate’s father, Norman Osborne, because Normie seemed to be in a bad mood one afternoon when Gwen found him in Harry’s living room.   Norman Osborne didn’t rape her, didn’t drug her, didn’t do anything to Gwen but brood in her presence, and she gaped open her thighs and cheated on Peter for the most important sexual moment of her life.  And then, rather than tell Peter of her astoundingly unlikely transgression, she decides to go to France, have the kids in secret, and THEN tell Peter about it, so they can raise the perpetual reminders of her criminal infidelity together as a happy family.

But Osborne, in his guise as the Green Goblin, kills her instead, and raises the kids in some kind of hyper-aging chamber so they can kill Peter Parker when they get old enough in eight years.

It may be the worst written comic book story of all time.  Certainly the worst comic Marvel ever produced, and something Straczynski did just to see if the fans would break his nose when they met him.  So far, his nose remains intact, so fandom isn’t trying hard enough.

#3

Sheila Haywood

Some folks like to smoke after sex. Sheila drags on a ciggie as her son is being beaten to death with a tire iron.

Mother of Jason Todd, the used-to-be dead Robin.

Okay, Shelia abandons her child Jason at a young age and leaves her husband to figure it out on his own.  Strike One.

She becomes an illegal abortion provider in Gotham, and simultaneously kills a teenage mother and unborn child through impressive medical  incompetence.  Strike Two.

The Joker finds out about her mistake, and tracks her down to an aid station in Ethiopia, where she is embezzling funds and selling medicine on the black market.  Joker  blackmails Sheila into replacing the life saving drugs she’s stolen with highly poisonous Joker toxin, and also, into handing over her son for a crowbar beating by the evil clown so she can avoid arrest.  Strike Three, and four and five through nine.  Joker used the crowbar quite a bit.

With this monster as his mummy, I no longer blame Jason for being such a irritating little bitch.

#2

Talia Head

I beat up the Black Widow and stole her tights. Who's a bad mama now?

Daughter of the Demon.  Lover of the Bat.  Mother of the Creepiest Robin Yet.

Maybe it’s her upbringing – she was sired by a terrorist father nearly a thousand years old, and that kind of generation gap is tough to overcome.  Also, her parents met in the audience at Woodstock, so there’s all that hippie baggage, too.  But when Talia gave birth to her son Damian, she went from being Batman’s sometimes girlfriend/enemy/paramour/Emma Peel Stand-in/leather fantasy chick, to spectacularly crappy mother.  She didn’t balance parenthood and career well, and spent Damian’s toddler years organizing the League of Assassins while the kid was raised by murderer-nannies and wet-nurse hit-men who preferred open hand kill techniques to Teletubbies.  And once the lad survived to twelve years old, Talia abandons Damian to his estranged father, a lunatic who lives in a cave and who takes rugrat-Robin into gunfights because baby sitters tend to die around Talia’s boy.  If Ms. Head thinks the Justice League is a pain in the ass, wait until she gets into it with Social Services and the family law courts system.

#1

Mystique of the Evil Mutants/X-Men

Stick with me big boy, and you'll never have to worry about raising kids.

In the movies, she’s a blue lizard hottie with a nudist streak, just like so many of my college girlfriends, but in the comics, she’s easily the worst  mom of all time, human or mutant.

Her first son, Graydon Creed, she gave up for adoption and “kept an eye” on him until she realized the child wasn’t a mutant like herself, and therefore, too icky to love.  Things go wrong, Creed becomes an anti-mutant crusader as a adult, and messes with the granddaughter of mom’s lesbian plaything, so mother eventually travels back in time and shoots her son in the head.

But everyone makes mistakes with a first child.

For her next bout of motherhood, she willingly cheats on her then-husband with someone who claims to be Satan.  Her second child, Kurt Wagner, is born with blue fur and a tail, and naturally the townspeople begin chasing mom and child with pitchforks and torches, purchased at bulk discount prices.  But even though she’s got a magic power to turn into anyone she wants, and she’s been learning stealthcraft and all sorts of useful skills to avoid detection for decades, what do she do with her cute, fuzzy blue newborn?  She tosses him in a river like a bag of kittens and hopes he drowns.

Nice one Mystique.  I hope someone kicks you in your shape-shifting balls.

That’s it for Mother’s Day, and my Birthday.  I’m off to celebrate in my own way, and it just might include handing my kids off to the Joker for the afternoon.  They’ll be okay, we have a nanny-cam.

Ty the Guy

PS:  Scroll down for Saturday’s Free Webcomics, and play with the navigation-buttons up top.  And stay tuned for tomorrow’s BIG HOVERBOY ANNOUNCEMENT!  Art Land is too much fun to ever leave!

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