Tag Archives: Robin

NEW COMICS DAY

Today at your Local Comics Store, the latest issue (#16) of Marvel Ultimate Spider-Man Adventures with a cover by me. I’m pretty pleased with how this cover turned out:

detail

And online, you can get a copy of Batman 66 #4–I did the interior art for this issue, scripted by Jeff Parker. I actually did a happy dance when I first saw the colours for this, done by Wes Hartman. (Print version goes on sale in a month)

batman 66 emperor penguin pg 09

Race out to your Local Comics Store or your local computer and get your copy today!

Ty the Guy OUT!!

 

The Robins Get Rounder Bun Toons! YAY!

It's time for some new, Frank ideas...

It’s time for some new, Frank ideas…

Spoilers, spoilers, spoilers…if anyone doesn’t know about the new plans for the DC Batman books coming up, stop reading.  I can’t be clearer than that…

You’ve read this far.  It’s too late!

round robin small rev

You know, they re-introduced VIBE into the DCU without making it terrible, so let’s cross our fingers for this newest addition to the child-care nightmare that is Wayne Manor.

Ty the Guy OUT!

BONUS CARRIE KELLY COMIC MOMENT:

carrie in Batman Adventures

Rick Burchett and your humble blogger introduced Carrie into the DCAU fairly early in the series, but only to be arrested in the very next panel.

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For last week's Easter Themed Bun Toon, please click above

For last week’s Easter Themed Bun Toon, please click above

For the BUN TOON ARCHIVE, going back more than two years, click the proud rabbit.

For the BUN TOON ARCHIVE, going back more than two years, click the proud rabbit.

Funny Brutal Death Bun Toons! YAY!

Because death and tragedy are ALWAYS funny.

Because death and tragedy are ALWAYS funny.

WARNING: SPOILERS if you are NOT following the Batman titles at DC, I’m about to give away a HUUUGE plot element.

Seriously, you’ve been warned.

Have fun.

websize fileI know I’m not supposed to get all fanboy for a sitcom, but it’s been so long since Larry Sanders went off the air, and I get to get sucky-baby at the terrible mistreatment my favorite TV show has been suffering.

Whine over, we now return you to your regular internet.

Ty the Guy OUT!

Here now, your BONUS Comic Book COMMUNITY moment:

kickpuncherFor those of us who got the COMMUNITY SEASON ONE DVD disc set, it comes with a free copy of KICKPUNCHER: THE COMIC BOOK, drawn by Jim Mahfood.  Can the worlds of Comics and Community get any sweeter?

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For last week's silly Bun Toon, click the trademark infringement above

For last week’s silly Bun Toon, click the trademark infringement above

for the BUN TOON archive, click the trademarked bunny above

for the BUN TOON archive, click the trademarked bunny above

SON of BUN TOONS, PART II! YAY!

'Cause the cat's in the cradle with the silver spoon, the little boy blue and the man in the moon....

There’s plenty of Bun Tooning this weekend, with a very special “SUN TOONS” coming your way tomorrow with the sort of excitement only a SUN TOON can generate.  Be sure to check back for that one.

But today, we present part two of the epic tale of Batman, Robin and The Flash trying to stop Clayface from robbing a bank, as written by my son, TAYLOR, back when he was seven years old, and illustrated by me, sitting up in his bed, drawing on my leg.

To read the first award-wishing chapter, click here!

And now, part TWO:

Goku and Vegeeta?  What the hell?  This is how a seven year old writes, and there was no talking him out of it.  My favorite part was when Robin became aware that the villain of the piece had wandered off.

There are more chapters to come!  And more Bun Toons to come this weekend, as a very special SUN TOONS is on its way tomorrow!

Ty the Guy OUT!

Here now, your BONUS Batman odd teaming up with someone he shouldn’t have moment:

It's BATMAN!! With the pointy ears, and the crusading and the always fighting of the crime...HEY LADY!!

To see past Bun Toons, click the odd team-up between the rabbit and the pastry.

More Family Bun Toons, YAY! Now with more BATMAN!

Nah-nah-nah-nah-nah-nah-nah-nah-nah-nah-nah-nah-nah-nah-nah-nah-BATMAN!

Many of you readers know I have four kids.  All four have shown up on the blog a lot lately, I’m not sure why, really, but the trend continues.

I’ve meant to put this up for quite a while , it’s the opening chapter of a comic book I did with my son, Taylor, back when he was seven years old.  When kids are that age, parents often read them a bed-time story, but Taylor insisted we do it backwards – that he WRITE himself a bedtime story, and that I illustrate it.  Each night for a couple of months,  Taylor would create two pages of a story, telling me what to draw, rather specifically,  in the panels, while dictating the dialogue…and it all went onto pieces of folded paper (so it would resemble a printed comic book).

There are many chapters of this epic tale, this is the first one.   Some of the word balloons are hard to read, I know, I think Taylor lettered one or two of them.

WHEW!  What a cliffhanger!!  Whatever will Flash do?!?

Tune in some time in the random future when I publish another instalment of this fantastic tale.  Not next week, I’ll have something else next week.  And not likely the week after that, but some time!

Who says this is the Bun Toons age of random nepotism?

Ty the Guy OUT!!

It was done many years after the comic my son Taylor wrote, but it turned out a zillion times more successful – so, here’s your “written-by-a-real-kid” comic book bonus moment:  THE ORIGIN OF AXE-COP!

If you don’t know about Axe-Cop, you’re out of the loop, baby!  Get hip to the sick webcomic goodness here.

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For last week's "written-by-an-adult" Bun Toons, click the face of death.

For Every Bun Toon ever, click the still living Bunny

Unseen Mr. Freeze Cover Artwork from Gotham Adventures.

The first appearance of our villain, from 1959, by Curt Swan. He was "Mr. Zero" back then.

George Saunders: The FIRST Mr. Freeze on TV.

I got an email yesterday requesting I return to my series of never-before-seen cover sketches for my blog, and I do what I’m told, so today we look into the cover for Gotham Adventures #5, which featured the frozen monster, Victor Fries,  vs. Batman on the rocks.

Otto Preminger. Freeze #2

I normally did three cover sketches for each one we used, but this cover got up a little higher, and the one that ended up being chosen was unique for a reason I’ll get to at the end.

Eli Wallach as the sub-zero bad guy. Clearly he went through a few versions as well.

I’ll start with the three cover sketches I sent in first.  Let’s see if you can play Armchair Editor and figure out what went right or wrong with these, as we play Rejection Roulette.

Okay, not bad.  A little too symmetrical perhaps, but all the elements are there.

Pretty well the same design.  I’ll be honest, I was padding the trio of designs because I liked the third one best, and felt if the first two were essentially identical, I’d make the third one look interesting to my editor.

Now we’re talking.  The interior  story was about the TWO Mr. Freeze characters locked in a duel, and this cover told the story well.  I noted that this was my favorite, and felt the editor would agree, and off I’d go to draw it.  But the response was cold.

(I know that was unforgivable, but that’s what happens when you start to write about Mr. Freeze.)

I am to blame for all the puns.

So I did another one later that day, featuring the disembodied head-spider that Freeze was sporting at that point on the TV show.  It was creepy and the cover featured Nightwing and Batgirl, just to shake things up.

Rejected again.

So the next day, I went for a cover featuring a big action scene from the story, where Robin has to free a suffocating Batman with a baseball bat to the ice-encased head.  I tried two different angles, to give the editor a choice.  But I was sure THIS time, I’d come up with a dramatic moment and we were good to go.

This one had Freeze in it, in case there was confusion as to who was the villain.  Never mind.  They were both still rejected.

Finally the JACKPOT!  It had the spider-head Mr. Freeze thing.  It had Robin smacking Batman with a bat.  It had Nightwing and Batgirl, and it had a lovely design.  This was, by far, my favorite of the covers, and I was happy that the editor made me keep going until I had a truly memorable image.  That’s an editor’s job, to push until you hit the zone.

So I was quite surprised to see it get rejected.  Instead the editor went with:

Number Two.

This marks the ONLY time of the fifty or so covers that I worked on for Batman Adventures, where my LEAST favorite cover was chosen.  Don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t submit a cover if I didn’t think it had merit, but this one was as close to filler as I’d ever sent in.  Still, it was fun to work on, as I was really starting to learn how to colour on a computer, and I got to choose the trade dress colours as well as the image itself.

Here’s the cover, without the logos, etc, straight from my files.

I had this up on the wall over my desk as a really nice print for about six months, because I really liked the colours.   I wish I’d gotten to do cover #7 though.  Sigh.

Ty the Guy OUT!

HERE NOW, YOUR BONUS GOTHAM ADVENTURES #5 MOMENT:

Choosing sketch #2 affected someone else’s life FAR FAR more than it did mine.  Meet Craig Kandiko, or at least a small part of him:

Craig is one of the biggest Batman Adventures fans out there, and he has quite a number of tats all over his body featuring artwork by Bruce Timm, myself and a few other BTAS artists.  Craig liked the image of Freeze on Gotham #5 enough to burn it into his flesh, so maybe I’m not the best judge of what makes a good cover.  You can see a little more of Craig’s ink here, where you’ll also find a link to his facebook page.

Unseen Batman Adventures from Beyond Time!!

The other day I was cleaning up the studio, and I came across the one and only rejected cover I did for the Batman Adventures series.  It was the original version of the cover for #4 (from the first series).  It’s never been put online or shown at a convention or anything, so I thought it might be fun to show it off here.  It was rejected because 1)  It’s not very active, and 2)  The logo was too small in the image.  I’m not sure why I penciled and inked it, as mostly we chose covers from layouts, but this one somehow got penciled and inked before everyone decided it possibly sucked.

That’s not the original colour, as it never got THAT far through production.  I just tossed some colours on to give a sense of what it should have looked at in final form.

The story was a two part script about Scarecrow taking away the ability to read from the citizens of Gotham, which naturally frightens everyone.  Here’s the cover we did use…much better in the long run, so no harm done in tossing the first idea.

And just to finish up the thought…here’s Mike Parobeck’s cover for #5, the second of the two parts, which finally featured the not-being-able-to-read aspect of the image from the rejected cover.

There’s still tons of unseen Batman Adventures stuff in my studio, including T-Shirt designs, style-guide art, coloring book covers, product art and bunches of stuff….but this is the only actual comic cover we never used.  Since I found it this week, I put it online this week.

Maybe not the greatest work I ever did, but still fun for folks to see it, nevertheless.

Ty the Guy OUT!

Here now, your Batman Moment of the Day:

I wish I knew who created this image originally so I could credit their great work.  I saw it online a couple of weeks ago and tried to track down who did it, but have turned up nothing so far.  If you know who made this, please let me know, he deserves a salute!

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And CLICK HERE for The Top Ten Catwoman Actresses!

Unseen Art by Ty

Sorry for the sparse posting lately…we’ve been busy doing that working-for-a-living thing around here, some Simpsons, some Mad Mag stuff, doing some final corrections on my Harvey Pekar/Marvel comics story, and a little superhero-ing production work, FINALLY sending off the Johnny Canuck comic for the printers (out in a couple of days now!).

Since there won’t be any new top lists for at least another week or so, I thought I’d devote a couple of days to some of my many unseen pages…things for projects that were never published, or thing published in small runs, art for private commissions or projects not really comics related, amusing things you’ve probably not seen, and some of them turned out rather nice.

A sampling:

This was done as a commission a few years ago, back when I was in the middle of drawing batman in the “animated version” like this:

 

(A convention sketch of animated Batman done a couple of months ago, in that old style)

I think I was having such a good time NOT drawing in the animated style for that Bat-Mite piece up above, that I overdid it on the “Bolland-isms” in the inking.  I forget who ended up getting that piece, but I still have a xerox of it, so you get to see it.

Next, a commission I did a few weeks ago (but took forever to actually get out to the fellow who asked for it, sorry Christopher

The world famous BREEON, the Green Lantern!

Christopher Matusiak has this wonderful collection of Green Lantern sketches on all green paper, often drawn by the artist who created that particular Green Lantern.  Well, I happened to have created an obscure Green Lantern from an annual or a Quarterly (I don’t recall which), written by Mark Waid, named Breeon, and Christopher asked me to contribute to the collection.  I hadn’t drawn on coloured paper since I was a kid, and I had so much fun I’m going to do lots more.  There’s some blackboard chalk in there as a highlighter…I had some in my pocket from earlier in the day when I’d been teaching my cartooning class, and figured “why not?”.

This is ancient, one of the first things I ever drew and got paid for:

A commission for a local comic store in Toronto, (The Dragon Lady…and they’re still around after all these years, too!)  for their newsletter, highlighting the “Direct Sales” comics that were taking the world by storm in the mid-eighties.  I started working professionally about a year after this piece, I don’t think I’d even thought of Stig yet.

Coming up in the next while:  Unseen pages from a never-published issue of Legion of Superheroes I drew.  Pages from the yet to be published Batman: Brave and Bold cartoon comic I drew a year or so ago and has been on a shelf, unseen production work for the DC direct figures I designed, rejected covers, and more!

Ty the Guy OUT!

Here now, your unseen and pulped comic book moment of zen:

My cover for the infamous Elseworlds Annual. So offensive, it was only released in Ireland, look it up.

 

The TOP SEVEN BAD MOTHERS IN COMICS

It’s Mother’s Day, and time to celebrate moms, niceness, and cookies, all across North America.  It also happens to be my birthday, so I get to indulge myself this morning, and blog up this list of….

The Top Seven BAD MOTHERS in Comics

You do NOT make this joke, Templeton. Sweet CHRISTMAS you do not make this joke.

#7

Debbie Grayson

"I hope I look sober in this driver's licence photo."

Wife of OMNI-MAN, mother of INVINCIBLE.

You don’t get to pick your mom, that’s old wisdom, but your mom does get to pick your father, and Debbie may have set a world’s record for marrying the worst husband and father in the known universe.  Her youthful crush, Nolan Grayson (super-hero Omni-Man to his legion of fans) turned out to be an alien from the Viltrumite race, who mated with his human pet, specifically to create a son with whom Dad can destroy humanity.  When son Mark starts to exhibit dad’s alien powers, the biggest Oedipal fight scene in comics history ensues, thousands die and Dad is exiled to space forever.  And what does Debbie Grayson do, now that her world has crumbled around her and son needs a mother’s love more than ever?   She settles down into the gutter and drinks herself blind.  Oh sure, if EVER there was a reason to knock back a few wrist benders, the old “my alien husband tried to kill our son” excuse is a good one, but I’m not sure Debbie needed to open the second truckload of Jack Daniels so quickly.

#6

Lara Lor-Van

Ooh, Jor-el. Show me your little rocket.

Kryptonian wife of Jor-el, and mother of Superman.

Lara was an astronaut on her home planet, and she’d been in space a few times (only ladies rode Krypton rockets, as their alien, but primitive catheter technology wasn’t able to cope with the impressive Kryptonian schlongs), so when her world started crashing down around her, she had the training to stay calm and not make terrible decisions…And when her husband tells her there’s a chance for Lara and her baby to survive the end of the world in a space ship he built for the two of them, SHE REFUSES TO GET INTO THE GODDAMNED ROCKET AND GO WITH THE BOY!!

Sure, there’s that moment of romantic self-destruction a good wife offers her husband on Doomsday so he’s feeling pretty manly as he dies, but anyone with an ounce of mother in them goes with the kid or they suck.  It’s why Clark prefers Martha Kent, you know, and only ever pines for his Kryptonian father.   Jor-el stepped up and saved his son’s life.  Lara was a whiny, suicidal dick, and we all know it.

#5

Aline Kominsky-Crumb

Pray to whatever god you believe in that these are not your parents.

I cannot possibly know the first thing about her parenting skills, and I’m certain Aline Kominsky-Crumb is a kind, decent human being, perhaps a far better parent than I ever am.  But…she has written and illustrated a few blunt confessional stories (Dirty Laundry Comics), along with her husband, underground legend Robert Crumb, that feature her obsession with oral copulation, wild sex fantasies, private bathroom time and anything else intensely personal that pops into Aline’s head…ALL WHILE SHE HAS A LIVING, BREATHING TEENAGE DAUGHTER NAMED SOPHIE WHO GOES TO SCHOOL WITH OTHER HUMAN BEINGS!   If you think it’s mortifying to see your mom walking about in a bathrobe in your front yard, imagine mom performing fellatio on infamous dirt-bag Robert Crumb while the planet pays to watch it, and get back to me.

#4

Gwen Stacy

Check out the child-bearing figure! I'll bet she's a GREAT mom!

Mother of twin bastards, Gabriel and Sarah, who look like Peter Parker and Gwen Stacy because of magic/science, and who were raised by the Green Goblin, the man who killed their mom.

Of course it didn’t happen.  It couldn’t have happened, not in a rational world with professional writers and editors who understand their craft…and surely it all went away with the BRAND NEW DAY retcon that fixed all those continuity problems.  But the SINS PAST storyline was written by J. Michael Straczynski, published in Amazing Spider-Man #509-514, and it can’t be ignored in a column such as this.  Gwen Stacy, virginal Queen of Super-hero Girlfriends decided to give her “special flower” to her beloved boyfriend’s roommate’s father, Norman Osborne, because Normie seemed to be in a bad mood one afternoon when Gwen found him in Harry’s living room.   Norman Osborne didn’t rape her, didn’t drug her, didn’t do anything to Gwen but brood in her presence, and she gaped open her thighs and cheated on Peter for the most important sexual moment of her life.  And then, rather than tell Peter of her astoundingly unlikely transgression, she decides to go to France, have the kids in secret, and THEN tell Peter about it, so they can raise the perpetual reminders of her criminal infidelity together as a happy family.

But Osborne, in his guise as the Green Goblin, kills her instead, and raises the kids in some kind of hyper-aging chamber so they can kill Peter Parker when they get old enough in eight years.

It may be the worst written comic book story of all time.  Certainly the worst comic Marvel ever produced, and something Straczynski did just to see if the fans would break his nose when they met him.  So far, his nose remains intact, so fandom isn’t trying hard enough.

#3

Sheila Haywood

Some folks like to smoke after sex. Sheila drags on a ciggie as her son is being beaten to death with a tire iron.

Mother of Jason Todd, the used-to-be dead Robin.

Okay, Shelia abandons her child Jason at a young age and leaves her husband to figure it out on his own.  Strike One.

She becomes an illegal abortion provider in Gotham, and simultaneously kills a teenage mother and unborn child through impressive medical  incompetence.  Strike Two.

The Joker finds out about her mistake, and tracks her down to an aid station in Ethiopia, where she is embezzling funds and selling medicine on the black market.  Joker  blackmails Sheila into replacing the life saving drugs she’s stolen with highly poisonous Joker toxin, and also, into handing over her son for a crowbar beating by the evil clown so she can avoid arrest.  Strike Three, and four and five through nine.  Joker used the crowbar quite a bit.

With this monster as his mummy, I no longer blame Jason for being such a irritating little bitch.

#2

Talia Head

I beat up the Black Widow and stole her tights. Who's a bad mama now?

Daughter of the Demon.  Lover of the Bat.  Mother of the Creepiest Robin Yet.

Maybe it’s her upbringing – she was sired by a terrorist father nearly a thousand years old, and that kind of generation gap is tough to overcome.  Also, her parents met in the audience at Woodstock, so there’s all that hippie baggage, too.  But when Talia gave birth to her son Damian, she went from being Batman’s sometimes girlfriend/enemy/paramour/Emma Peel Stand-in/leather fantasy chick, to spectacularly crappy mother.  She didn’t balance parenthood and career well, and spent Damian’s toddler years organizing the League of Assassins while the kid was raised by murderer-nannies and wet-nurse hit-men who preferred open hand kill techniques to Teletubbies.  And once the lad survived to twelve years old, Talia abandons Damian to his estranged father, a lunatic who lives in a cave and who takes rugrat-Robin into gunfights because baby sitters tend to die around Talia’s boy.  If Ms. Head thinks the Justice League is a pain in the ass, wait until she gets into it with Social Services and the family law courts system.

#1

Mystique of the Evil Mutants/X-Men

Stick with me big boy, and you'll never have to worry about raising kids.

In the movies, she’s a blue lizard hottie with a nudist streak, just like so many of my college girlfriends, but in the comics, she’s easily the worst  mom of all time, human or mutant.

Her first son, Graydon Creed, she gave up for adoption and “kept an eye” on him until she realized the child wasn’t a mutant like herself, and therefore, too icky to love.  Things go wrong, Creed becomes an anti-mutant crusader as a adult, and messes with the granddaughter of mom’s lesbian plaything, so mother eventually travels back in time and shoots her son in the head.

But everyone makes mistakes with a first child.

For her next bout of motherhood, she willingly cheats on her then-husband with someone who claims to be Satan.  Her second child, Kurt Wagner, is born with blue fur and a tail, and naturally the townspeople begin chasing mom and child with pitchforks and torches, purchased at bulk discount prices.  But even though she’s got a magic power to turn into anyone she wants, and she’s been learning stealthcraft and all sorts of useful skills to avoid detection for decades, what do she do with her cute, fuzzy blue newborn?  She tosses him in a river like a bag of kittens and hopes he drowns.

Nice one Mystique.  I hope someone kicks you in your shape-shifting balls.

That’s it for Mother’s Day, and my Birthday.  I’m off to celebrate in my own way, and it just might include handing my kids off to the Joker for the afternoon.  They’ll be okay, we have a nanny-cam.

Ty the Guy

PS:  Scroll down for Saturday’s Free Webcomics, and play with the navigation-buttons up top.  And stay tuned for tomorrow’s BIG HOVERBOY ANNOUNCEMENT!  Art Land is too much fun to ever leave!

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The Ten Greatest All-Nude Fight Scenes in Comics

The all-nude fight scene has been a staple of literature since Eve asked Adam to bite into the fruit of knowledge and Adam said, “Make me.”

This can't be legal. And it better not be in a museum somewhere.

And why not?  We like nudity, AND we like fighting.

Back in the really old days, when the Youtube was called “actual Roman gladiators”, naked fighting was literally the “bread” in “bread and circuses“.  The circus part involved lions, but that’s another story.  What matters is that a snarling knock-down, drag-out is better when the delicate goodies are in play, and never more so, then when super-powers are involved.

And so, to continue my scholarly series about the prurient world of comic book decadence (following the highly educational “LOIS LANE: BONDAGE QUEEN” and “Comic Book Easter Zombie Parade” posts), and bring to you…

THE TOP TEN NAKED SUPER-HERO FIGHTS IN COMICS.

But before the festival of naughty bits, three quick ground rules:

RULE #1:
No Adult Comics. No taking the piss out of WARRIOR NUN, DANGER GIRL, VAMPIRELLA, or

Russ Heath's forgotten masterpiece.

ANYTHING HOWARD CHAYKIN HAS WRITTEN as that’s low hanging fruit, and I don’t pick, grab, fondle or tug at so easy a target.    Sadly, it means no COWGIRLS AT WAR, but we’re sticking to mainstream super-heroes—and do I mean STICKING!

RULE #2:
Only one nudie shot per customer.  WOLVERINE, for example, can pop it out of his pants as often as he pops them out of his knuckles… if we don’t impose the limit, the whole list becomes about Logan’s dangly-bits.

RULE #3:
The appearance of nudity isn’t good enough.  The character must have actual genitalia.  Sorry Howard the Duck and Silver Surfer.

As sexy as this super-hot cover seems to be, I consider it cheating if there’s no possibility of balls.

And now, without further ado, or further use of the phrase “dangly-bits”…

#10
AVENGERS ILLUMINATI #1

As a millionaire playa, Tony Stark was always willing to slip out of the Armani suit for the hunnies, and as a drunken gutter dweller, he was willing to step out of the Iron Man suit and give it to his pal Rhodey.  The suit, I mean.   Clearly Tony is very willing to drop trou, and that’s why he’s so calm, cool and TEACHING SCHOOL in this nude-fight classic.  With nothing but his “little Iron Man” to help him, and a few well remembered “training sessions” with Steve Rogers, Tony Stark smoothly kicks butt while his own is dancing in the breeze.

This is why they call him "Shell-Head".

IN TONY’S FAVOR:  Skrulls are not human, so it’s like being naked in front of your cat.  The things I do naked in front of my cats would get me arrested if I was doing them in front of say, the neighbors, tied up in my shower–

#9
The Watchmen.  Issue 12

Flee, enemies of democracy! The American Superman can stay clothed for only SO LONG...

The Watchmen is the greatest super-hero comic book of all time so it has to be on all lists that include the words “greatest” and “super-hero”.  Lucky for us, the naked fight scene between Rorschach and Doc Manhattan in Issue 12 is a keeper!  And it follows memorable  naked quantum physics scenes and naked menage a doppelganger scenes that changed my dating ambitions forever.

The socio-political implications of Alan Moore’s narrative and the intricate mechanism of this novel have been discussed endlessly by greater critics than I, so I’ll just leave you with two thoughts:

1)  It’s bad enough being killed by a friend, but killed by one waving his little blue weenie at you is insulting.
2)   Rorschach said was naked without his mask on, so he’s joining Doctor Manhattan’s free spirit–dying with his nose and lips exposed.

No matter what else, this is a dick move. Oh, and I've ruined the ending of the novel for you. Which is a dick move on my part.

#8
HOVERBOY #91
Hoverboy vs. Doc Natural.

With all the tags that say "nude Super-hero" this cover is going to get a lot of web hits.

If ever there was a reason to avoid calling him “The Bucket Headed Super-Hero” this issue is it.  After being hit with “fiber melting herbs” by the hippie super-villain Doc Natural, Hoverboy is forced to fight crime in the nude.  He learns to avoid shame by reading the first part of Genesis over and over, and eventually smacking anyone in the face who looks at him “down there”.

#7
TARZAN VS. TUBLAT the GORILLA

If you’re into the twin aesthetics of decorative baroque, and boy’s pink bums, you can’t do better than Burne Hogarth’s TARZAN  graphic novel, published in 1972 by Watson-Guptill.

I can't explain this, and I won't even try.

Freed of the comics code, Tarzan is naked for the first hundred pages…and just so you’d know where Burne’s bread was buttered, we are shown nothing but Greystokes curiously un-tanned buttocks for those hundred pages– the Jungle Lord’s crown jewels were hidden in shadows, or behind vines or strategically placed gorillas the whole time.  But, oh those glistening backside orbs were in full display–page after page—bulbously leaping from tree to tree in a cascade of male glute flesh rarely seen outside a clergyman’s rectory.

There really is a lot of this, all through the book.

And when Tublat (Tarzan’s gorilla father) starts messing with Kala (Tarzan’s gorilla mother), we’re treated to the second bloodiest naked super-hero fight scene on the list.

Um...could you check out what's happening in panel one?

EXTRA NAKED POINTS:  Everyone in this scene is stripped to the gonzos, INCLUDING TARZAN’S MOM!  I dare you to fight someone while your mom is watching nude.

#6
LEGEND OF AQUAMAN SPECIAL

Bark like a sea lion, boy! I said BARK!

If you didn’t want to see an “in the buff” teen-Aquaman fighting a grown man in rubber pants, then why have you read this far?  Seriously.  Some self examination is in order.

Don't sass me, nude boy. I'll teach you who wears the rubber pants around here!

Okay, I get that Aquaman’s origin story was kinda like “Tarzan of the Fish”, and if his dolphin pals weren’t ashamed of their blow holes, why should he be?  But this scene  goes that extra special mile for its entertainment dollar.  It involves, rubber pants, choking, punching, animal noises and a young lad tied starkers and spread in a chair.  That’s at least three-fifty downtown, but the comic retailed for two dollars, quite a bang for your buck in 1989.  You always wondered why Aquaman has such a devoted following–  it’s not just because he can breathe underwater.

How did THIS scene end up in a DC comic?!?

#5
MARVEL COMICS PRESENTS #77

Pants? I know I brought pants...

I wasn’t kidding about how often Logan goes sans pants. They even have a special term to alert the students at the X-Mansion when Wolverine is “sunnin’ the package”: It’s called “mid-afternoon”.

But of all the nudie Wolverine fights, this is the yardstick against which all others are measured.  And if you’re measuring with a yardstick, you’re already impressing me.

The zenith of Logan’s multi-issue

Graaah! Graah! Snarrlll! Graaahhh!

birthday suit wood romp comes when he fights the equally unclothed and competitively hirsute wolves in MCP: WEAPON X #77, and bathes in their mighty blood when it’s all done.  The most badass moment in comics is suitably bare assed and  has been referenced again and again.

Snarrll....grrrrr.....grrrrr....I swear to GOD I had pants....

#4
Ultimates #9

Big deal, you gotta take a PILL to be called "Giant Man".

Millar and Hitch’s Ultimates run was a leader in the naked fight scene genre, with an average of one naked fight per 3.7 issues.  The Cap/Naked Giant Man fight from #9 is my favorite, simply because it  involves a giant guy waggling the wand six stories above your head.

One of the most important aspects of a man to man fight is the ability to look your opponent in the eye and say belittling things to him.  But when you have to crane your neck just to glimpse your opponent’s eyes behind his BUICK-SIZED REPRODUCTIVE SAUSAGE, it’s a trifle intimidating!

And Cap hands Hank the beat down that he had coming all the same.  THAT’S why you salute the man with the shield.

Hank goes DOWN! Hank goes DOWN! Into the big, phallic tube-y things!

#3
Batman #357.

WTF? This is in a published comic? At least Bruce is saying "NO".

This can’t be a co-incidence.  There’s no way that the editor was  unaware that the first two words in this naked fight scene are “swish” and “Dick..?”–  WHICH WERE THE TITLES OF MY FIRST TWO HOMO-EROTIC HAIKU!!  Someone had to be spying on me.

And the second page of this memorable sequence begins with another unfortunately worded balloon that I’m not going to type up, in case I enjoy it more than I should.  Just read it yourself…out loud if the elderly are present.

This had to be a prank. This was never published...

And it all ends with a spread eagle boy wonder, and naked Bruce looking down on him, again saying “Dick…?”.  Don’t take my word for it.  Follow Bruce’s stare….Go check, I’ll wait.

It was as though the editorial team at DC had decided to give into the fan mail they’d been getting from “that anti-Wertham” crowd, and just let them have one issue to call their own.

I think the story had something to do with mind control, and Hugo Strange, and something like that.  Did anyone read the other eighteen pages in this issue when people were wearing clothes?  My copy won’t open.

#2
ULTIMATE HULK ANNUAL #1

Okay. He's naked, and unashamed. Got it?

This is special in so many ways.  First off, the Ultimate Hulk was a walking naked fight scene from the word go.  That was is raison d’etre, his meaning in life, his chewy center.  He doesn’t care if he defeats the Leader, or The Abomination…he just wants to meet a special someone and settle down, and the nudity was his version of Hulk Sized Foreplay.

This ANNUAL is nothing more than a big, long, extended, full length, and blood engorged naked fight scene that ends in a punch to the cojones that was visible from space.  And the subject

Ohh. Strike one against the Mighty Nards of the Hulk. The "Nulks".

matter of the fight?  Some chick named Zarda gets hired by Captain America to make the Hulk wear pants.  She attacks his Hulklings until he agrees, and then they go to a motel and snuggle like very bad bunnies who are not married to each other, and might not even be considering a formal engagement.   No wonder comics are considered literature nowadays.

And one more 'nad cruncher, in case you're missing the subtlety of the story.

#1
BATMAN CONFIDENTIAL #18

This is why we all evolved to have eyes.

When the end comes, and the world is crumbling around me due to nuclear devastation or social upheaval, this is the comic I take with me to the escape shelter.  Full Respect to Fabian Nicieza and Kevin Maguire for making this objet d’art for us to enjoy.

Okay. That's a nice drawing.

The story has something to do with Catwoman stealing something, and running into an all-nude fetish club to escape Batgirl chasing her…and Batgirl follows her in and stuff happens.  Good god, I’m heterosexual, how am I supposed to remember the plot?

You’ll notice how sparse this list has been for naked super-HEROINE fights…up until now.  Oh, sure, She-Hulk and Black Cat do sometimes get all jiggy with their bid’ness, but they don’t seem to be PUNCHING anyone when they do it.  And Danger Girl and Codename:  Knockout don’t count if that’s ALL they do.  But THIS…?   This is naked fighting, folks, not naked prancing.  You want naked prancing, visit your congressman.

Honestly, it just goes on like this for pages and pages...

There are other naked fight scenes in comics.  I seem to remember Magneto fighting for his life in the shower.  And let’s never forget Bruce Banner’s narrow escape from Jim Shooter’s Traveling Shower Rape Stereotype Duo from that Rampaging Hulk in the Eighties…Ah, those memories I can’t seem to purge.

If you’ve got a naked fight scene you’d like to see featured in this column, please drop us a line.   We’re always willing to look at naked people smacking at each other, whether they’re flying through the air or not.

That’s it for today.  A long one, but a good one.  (That’s what she said!)

I’ll see everyone back here tomorrow for some all new BUN TOONS!  A new installment of LAST ROUNDUP ON THE SINISTER SPACECRAFT OF FORBIDDEN LOVE, and MORE!

Ty the Guy


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