Tag Archives: Santa Claus

Even More Holiday Bun Toons! YAY!

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I’m not relenting.  It’s gleeful holiday joy from here on out.

The rabbit is sketching furiously at a one-day Comicon in Toronto today, come down and see a real live, fuzzy-eared cartoonist at the Convention Centre on Front Street in the Big Smoke– if you DARE!   Until then…

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If I have one message to share during this season of peace, it’s that we should all take the time and really ball-kick someone who deserves it.

Merry-o, everybody.

Ty the Guy OUT!

Remember when this was supposed to be funny?

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For last week’s collection of fine Canadian Holiday Traditions, click here.

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For Bun Toons past, click here

Christmas Season Bun Toons! YAY!

Hurry up with the kissing, I ain't waiting all day.

Hurry up with the kissing, I ain’t waiting all day.

This is a Christmas story my father told me when I was young.

the christmas the elves forget

You can see where I get my spirit of the holiday from…

Ty the Guy OUT!

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Here are a couple of the Christmas Covers I’ve done over the years…

Because it's the Phantom Stranger, it's possible those decorations are the living souls of the Justice League.  AAAAAHHHH!!

Because it’s the Phantom Stranger, it’s possible those decorations are the living souls of the Justice League. AAAAAHHHH!!

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My cover for the DC Christmas anthology from a couple of years ago.  This is the unpublished version of the cover…points for anyone who has the published version, who can tell the difference!

A cover I laid out, drawn by Stephen DeStephano I believe...

A cover I laid out, drawn by Stephen DeStephano I believe…

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For last week's bun toon, click here.

For last week’s bun toon, click here.

For the Bun Toon Archive, click here

For the Bun Toon Archive, click here

Holiday Bun Toons! YAY!

If there's anything that you want...if there's anything I can do...just call on me, and I'll send it along...

If there’s anything that you want…if there’s anything I can do…just call on me, and I’ll send it along…

I didn’t want to be the one to break this story, but there’s been a lot of controversy lately, and only the actual truth will put the rumours to rest.

north pole babylon websizeI’m sorry if there were any kids reading this.  But we all have to grow up and face the real world some time.

Ty the Guy OUT!

Now, today’s amusing ponderable…

linus with blanket

What was Schultz trying to tell us?  Sparky might have been more subtle than we know…

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For last week’s re-run Bat-Toon extravaganza, click the link above

For previous Christmas Bun Toons, Santa Lists, and Cover Galleries, click the merry moose above

For previous Christmas Bun Toons, Santa Lists, and Cover Galleries, click the merry moose above

Ride ’em Kringle! The Top Seven Alternative Methods of Transportation for Santa Claus.

These titles are getting longer, just like the nights.

With the price of gas, the concern for the environment, and the need to be ahead of the hipness curve, people are talking about alternative transportation.

Therefore, so are we.

THE TOP SEVEN ALTERNATIVES TO SANTA’S TRADITIONAL SLEIGH.

Number #7

THE  SNOWMOBILE

What makes this Dennis the Menace cover from 1967 an outstanding example of the commonplace sleigh-Skidoo-switcheroo genre is the gleeful mix of reindeer abandonment and felony kidnapping.

Number #6

 The Grim Toboggan.  

The man in the top hat knows that the night of swallowing uppers, bathtub gin, and the lies of a red-suited lumberjack have led to this… their deaths on a plummeting toboggan.

Number #5

The Sex Rocket

With two balls of spitting fire and a control basket jammed tight up into Father Ho-Ho’s man-business, Dell’s Santa Claus Funnies #66 produced an image from my childhood I’ve never been able to un-see.  Whatever madness gripped their cover artist to produce this Freudian nightmare, thank god it never happened again.

Number #4

The Sex Jeep.

He’s riding the steering wheel with his balls!   His BALLS, people!  How is this going to happen?   Once Santa realized how ill fitting this jeep was for his ungainly physique, he simply wouldn’t have started the engine.  Use logic!   Think of the children!

Number #3

 The Future Tech Cyborg Hovercar Thing, Mounted with the Severed Head of Rudolph, Kept Alive by Cruel Science

That’s what I see here.  I might be wrong, but I think that’s the hellish dystopia that lays ahead for Rudolph in the world of Archie 3000.   I truly hope this is saving a lot of gasoline or something, or it’s just a tragic waste of a glowing deer.

Number #2

FEAR.

Fear gives you the wings that Red Bull only promises you, and it  gets you two blocks away faster than a bus.  The people terrifying St. Nick here include a serial killer, a demon with hell-born powers, a homicidal rage addict shouting death threats, and a pagan deity with the power to summon lightning.  RUN,  Santa!  Don’t slow down for Blitzen, he’s already lost!

Number #1

Human Enslavement.

Kids: If looking at this makes you ticklish, see a doctor.

When the reindeer are on strike, or have been recently eaten (in this economy, meat is expensive), Santa turns to people with super-powers, and enslaves them to his will.

It was a either a life of servitude, or be put to the fire.

Bwah hah hah! You must do my bidding Superman! I control your very WILL!

Tune in tomorrow when we look below the phony beard and uncover the legion of Imposter Santas!

Ty the Guy OUT!

Now, your BONUS Alternate Transportation Santas:

It’s Jerry Garcia from the Grateful Dead. He’s taking a trip without the sleigh, get it? Get it? It’s that 70s drug humor that Chevy Chase made famous.

Okay then, we’ll leave you with this.

Why do I find this funny? It's because it's a Vortex comic, right?

Click below for more Christmas joy:

SINGING SWORD OF SANTA: The Top Seven Santas with a Bladed Weapon

Click here for last year's post.

Where the First Noel meets the First to draw blood.  Where the Slay Bells can be heard.  When there’s murder coming down the chimney.  Something about the happy holidays brings out the cynical bastard and the terrible pun comedy writer in a certain segment of the population, and that segment creates and reads comic books, clearly.

Last year I ran a few Santa Comic covers involving Father Christmas and gun play.  This season, we go the more medieval route and deal with the sharp, pointy Christmas every emergency room can enjoy.  Get out the band-aids and “score” along at home, kiddies, it’s why he’s called St. “Nick”.   Here’s …

THE TOP SEVEN COMIC BOOK SANTAS WITH AN EDGE

#7

DON’T MAKE SANTA CUT YOU, MAN!

It’s by far the smallest blade we’ll be seeing today, on, by far, the most famous comic.  Frank Miller wrote this issue (and I believe did a thumbnail cover sketch) so you can assume Santa is attacking Matt Murdoch because he’s a smelly, blind, protester.  This iconic Daredevil image (actually rendered by David Mazzucchelli) is both a delightful entry into the Pointy Santa genre, and an opportunity to call Frank Miller an asshole in public again, and we all enjoy that.

 #6

PUNS ARE FUN

Everyone succumbs to this joke when they run out of pride, and it usually involves lol cats with red hats on.  This cover above is a good example of the Santa Claws with pointy fingers genre, but the real winner is Mike Deodato’s seminal work on the subject “What if Santa Claus and Wolverine Had a Love Child?” from last year’s Monster Santas List.    It’s worth noting that Deodato begins his career in the comics biz with the cover to the left.  Now he draws the Avengers with the real life Wolverine in it.  Dreams do come true.

#5

UP ON THE ROOFTOP, RUN LIKE HELL!

You’ve heard of Axe-Cop?  Meet Axe-Santa, the lovable elf with no time for subtlety or living witnesses.  Creepy Magazine was so happy with the idea of an axe-wielding Kris Kringle that they brought him back more than once.

Later, he got INSIDE the house. Ho ho horrifying!

#4

FORGED IN THE FIRES OF THE NORTH POLE!

These Katana blades are cursed.  Once drawn, they must taste the blood of naughty children or thousands will die.  Or something like that.  The darn thing writes itself.

#3

Dodgem Logic.

Santa is the reaper of death, carrying a HUGE scythe,  riding us all down on a hell-reindeer.  That’s seven levels of awesome sauce in the same jar. Alan Moore edits and publishes this magazine, so it’s sure to be adapted into a film he’ll be taking his name off of, any day now.  It’s probably about wizard magic, hemp rings and Thatcher’s politics anyway, so you’re not missing much.

#2

By This Axe, I Yule.

( I told you puns are fun.)

You know this guy got the axe by taking it from the cold dead hands of the skinny red bastard on the Creepy covers a few entries back. This is a Santa who knows how to stop creatures from stirring all through the house. What could possibly be better than the man who brings you the blessings of Crom’s hatred each winter?

#1

SAMURAI SANTA

You asked what could be better, and I delivered.   This too-cool-for-yule bad ass stoneface killer is the ultimate in blade based Christmas covers.  There’s no possible way any Santa could ever be more…

#1 +

SAVAGE  SAMURAI SANTA vs. GINGERBREAD NINJAS

I stand corrected.  Everything is better if it’s “Savage”,“New”, “Extreme”  or “wrapped in tasty bacon”, and when don’t we want more ninjas?    Most importantly, look at his eyes;  he’s preparing to totally KILL DOWN on those gingerbread dragon-tong-sensei-kung-fu-cookie-men, so I’m on his side!

Next year:  New Bacon-Wrapped Savage Samurai Santa in Extreme Warrior Lemon Scented Action.  He’ll be fighting vampires, if they know their marketing.

Ty the Guy OUT!

Here now, your BONUS Santa with a Blade

It’s a different kind of blade, obviously.

Top Seven Most Awful Things To Find in your Stocking

Last December, I helped festive up the internet yuleing by offering up a sampling of the most inappropriate Santa Claus images from Christmas comic book covers of yesteryore.

The corruption of our cherished funnybook memories continues with…

The Top Seven Most Awful Things to Find in your Stocking

#7

TEENAGED BOYS

As someone who lives with an actual teenage boy, trust me, this is something you do NOT want to discover in your home on Christmas morning.  The reason it takes a teenager twelve years to attain its final form is so that the parents have become used to the child at that point, and less likely to attack it out of fear.  A brand new teenager in the house would be dead within a week.

#6

LIVE DOGS

I don’t know who the darned puppet is, but he’s clearly saying “Howdy” to the dog doody that even I can smell across the room. What sane person would put a puppy, too young to be house trained, into a confining sock over night?   The only thing more foolish would be to stuff five of them in there!

Wha..?

#5 

THE WEAPONS OF EVIL

Hot Stuff is a demon child, part of the hierarchical system of HELL, and he will someday grow up to be one the torturers of the damned.  The pitchfork is the weapon of choice of demons, and Santa knows how to supply them.  The theological implications of this cover could set Christianity back MONTHS.

#4

BETRAYAL

Look upon the face of the cat.  He stares out at us in existential pain.  Did he deserve this vile fate?  The rodent  emerges from a Christmas stocking on the very day of peace and joy, when such an attack would be at its most duplicitous and unforgivable.  Super Mouse is a creature without honor, and the cat dies a martyr in my eyes.

#3

ANYTHING NAMED SLUGGO.

Be it human being, ice cream treat or industrial byproduct, I do not want anything named “Sluggo” in a stocking.  That’s just good policy.

#2

VULGAR IMMORALITY 

The woman on the cover is either a prostitute, a Russian bride, or someone with a complicated set of emotions about her father and men in general, and since there’s brothers involved in this sordid tale of anonymous sex, one of them will get possessive, fists will fly, and so will tears.    Santa destroys families with this flashy pimp stuff.  He should know better.

#1

IMPROPERLY STORED MEATS

Forget the fatal toxin factory brewing in that simmering stew bag all night and consider that poor girl’s fate even if the stocking HAD been refrigerated: cardiac-arrest at age twenty-nine, after billowing into a 400 pound emo-goth chick with tattoos she can’t find, all because of a sick, sick enabling Santa on the ONE Christmas it might have mattered.

This delightful Holiday cover wouldn’t be so funny if Little Lotta was bathing in Jack Daniel’s and snorting cocaine off a chained-up leopard’s back, now would it? No, that we call a DISEASE. But THIS we can laugh at?

Shameful.

I have to assume the editor removed her right foot as a horrific reminder of the grim diabetic future she may be facing.

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See you tomorrow for SANTA:  MASTER OF THE EDGED WEAPON!

Ty the Guy OUT!

NOW your BONUS Christmas Stocking Cover:

This image is a fascinating collection of what the hell?

Click below to see past Christmas lists and Christmas Toons:

AND it’s a little late to get ’em for your stocking, you can still order SKETCHBOOK by TY for a little post-Christmas goodness. Click below to get the details, and to see some pages;

DOCTOR DOOM BUN TOONS. YAY!!

You are all at my mercy...and Doom HAS no mercy.

If this one doesn’t speak for itself, then I have no business cartooning.  It’s a spiritual sequel of sorts to a BUN TOON I did for DC Comics a few years back. It seems only fair that Marvel gets a shot.

Ah, but you knew the winner going in.

Wait, does this mean Christmas season is upon us?  It IS the moment of DOOM.

Ty the Guy OUT!

Now, here’s your BONUS Doctor Doom Christmas moment:

Courtesy of John Byrne, the comic industry's "Mr. Christmas".

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For last week's childish Bun Toon click here.

for every sophisticated, adult Bun Toon ever, click the mature bunny.

**UPDATED:  for every Christmas Toon, and the Christmas lists from last December check out CHRISTMAS with TY