Deadline Doom Bun Toons! BOO! @#(*&!

‘Tis the season to placate editors.

The deadline is not just looming, it’s zooming past, and I don’t have five spare minutes to sleep or eat without drawing, so I certainly can’t draw something else….The Bun Toon must re-run this week…I’m out of choices.

Here’s two of LAST YEAR’S holiday themed Bun Toons to satisfy your ravenous appetite for rabbit based cartoon stories.

See you next week, when HOPEFULLY I’m a little caught up.

In theory, that Bun Toon above works just as well with Mueller as with Santa.

And now, this:

Merry non-denominational holiday season to you and yours.

Ty the Guy OUT!

To find the answers to these important animal questions, click the link above to last week’s BUN TOON

 

Moo! Bark! Howl! Bun Toons! YAY!

Four legs good.  Two legs bad.  Screw the penguins.

It may be the information age, but there are so many mysteries yet unsolved….

Someday we’ll find out of the critters have souls.

After we’re done eating them, I mean.

Ty the Guy OUT!

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This is the oldest of my many, many Walt Kelly ANIMAL COMICS I’ve picked up over the years.

You can see proto-Albert and proto-Churchie in the drawing.  Pogo, one assumes, is off sleeping somewhere before his debut.

I’m still crazed for Kelly and Pogo, but haven’t picked up any new issues for a while, as they’re no longer dirt cheap “kiddie comics” that no one wants, like they were when I was young.  Apparently Golden-Age “animals” are popular now.

 

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For last week’s slightly animal-themed BUN TOON, click the burnt creature carcass above.

By the way, Flounder, like all flatfish, have what is called the “wandering eye mutation”, one of the more controversial elements of the evolution/intelligent design debate.  Once a joke gets explained, it’s no longer funny, so I’m explaining it here, long after it wasn’t funny to begin with.

 

Even More Holiday Bun Toons! YAY!

I’m not relenting.  It’s gleeful holiday joy from here on out.

The rabbit is sketching furiously at a one-day Comicon in Toronto today, come down and see a real live, fuzzy-eared cartoonist at the Convention Centre on Front Street in the Big Smoke– if you DARE!   Until then…

If I have one message to share during this season of peace, it’s that we should all take the time and really ball-kick someone who deserves it.

Merry-o, everybody.

Ty the Guy OUT!

Remember when this was supposed to be funny?

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For last week’s collection of fine Canadian Holiday Traditions, click here.

For Bun Toons past, click here

More Holiday Bun Toons! YAY!

Here I am, wearing my fine Christmas Hat.

I don’t care that’s it’s been a lousy year.  I’m having Christmas season all month, and you can’t stop me.    It’s my favourite month of the year, mostly because of the cheery X-Mas festivities we do up here in the Great White North that might be unfamiliar to our southern neighbours.  Let me explain…

Who didn’t know Santa was a Canuck?  Show of hands?

Ty the Guy OUT!

Is it just me, or is more going on, metaphorically, with that broom than I want to know about.  And where did all those snowballs come from?

And now…for your BONUS Christmas Story…

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For last week’s Christmas Themed Bun Toon, click the logo above.

For Bun Toons from Xmas Past, click here!

Go Forth, Young Bunny! YAY!

This year’s #4 position, BOTH the most popular and the least popular, come from the last couple of weeks.  It was a wild swing in readership from one week to the next this December, but that’s standard around here.  You fickle monsters make me paint my backside and dance, and sometimes you love me, and sometimes it’s head first into the mud holes.

Not that I’m complaining, mind you.  I know how complaining comic book artists get treated on the internet….

For example…

For those who don’t recall this tempestuous teapot, back at the beginning of December, a comic book artist (of my generation) named Pat Broderick had a word or two to say about cosplayers ruining conventions for people who turned out to be the same age, height and weight as Pat Broderick.  It was something about women in skimpy outfits blocking aisles, not earning their place, and generally being on his lawn when he clearly wanted to get them off his lawn.

Pat’s probably a wonderful guy, and the backlash was more about how inelegantly he complained about getting older, than any real animosity towards him, but for god’s sake, don’t wear any odd hats around the man…he’s nervous.

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Our #4 LEAST favourite Bun Toon was the following week.   My fame and fortune crumbled and died in a scant seven days, and all because I cut off Santa’s foot.

I’ve learned my lesson.  No more hurting Santa Claus.  To make it up to my emotionally damaged readers, here’s one of my MOST popular Christmas Bun Toons from a couple of years ago, in which I do not hurt Santa at all, except for one or two moments in the “agonizer”.

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See you tomorrow, for the THIRD most and least popular Bun Toons of the year….neither of which will be from the month of December, I promise.

Ty the Guy OUT!

Holiday Bun Toons! YAY!

If there’s anything that you want…if there’s anything I can do…just call on me, and I’ll send it along…

I didn’t want to be the one to break this story, but there’s been a lot of controversy lately, and only the actual truth will put the rumours to rest.

I’m sorry if there were any kids reading this.  But we all have to grow up and face the real world some time.

Ty the Guy OUT!

Now, today’s amusing ponderable…

What was Schultz trying to tell us?  Sparky might have been more subtle than we know…

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For last week’s re-run Bat-Toon extravaganza, click the link above

For previous Christmas Bun Toons, Santa Lists, and Cover Galleries, click the merry moose above

Christmas Bun Toons! YAY!

happy cringle and the merry middle moose.

The winter solstice is upon us soon, and, unless that Mayan Calendar is to be believed, Christmas is leaping up quicker than a tiger at a steak convention.  For a half-Jewish atheist from Canada, it’s a special time of a year for me and my family.  So I share…

Yes Virginia, there is a Prince of Darkness.  But he’s not worth the bicycle.

I wonder if the snow falling on this Bun Toon will put out the fire in Lucifer’s heart?  We can only hope.

Ty the Guy OUT!

Here now, your BONUS Satan Comic Book Christmas!

It is not well known, but the SON OF SATAN comic book produced by Marvel Comics in the mid-seventies was the result of a typo.  It was originally going to be marketed as “SON OF SANTA”…

…which is why Damian’s sled is always being pulled by hell-beast versions of Dancer and Prancer and Blitzen.

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For last week’s Bun Toon about the Fantastic Four, click the Invisible Woman above…what do you mean you can’t see her?

For every Bun Toon ever (and yes, the archives have been updated!) click the very positive bunny above.

Top Seven Most Awful Things To Find in your Stocking

Last December, I helped festive up the internet yuleing by offering up a sampling of the most inappropriate Santa Claus images from Christmas comic book covers of yesteryore.

The corruption of our cherished funnybook memories continues with…

The Top Seven Most Awful Things to Find in your Stocking

#7

TEENAGED BOYS

As someone who lives with an actual teenage boy, trust me, this is something you do NOT want to discover in your home on Christmas morning.  The reason it takes a teenager twelve years to attain its final form is so that the parents have become used to the child at that point, and less likely to attack it out of fear.  A brand new teenager in the house would be dead within a week.

#6

LIVE DOGS

I don’t know who the darned puppet is, but he’s clearly saying “Howdy” to the dog doody that even I can smell across the room. What sane person would put a puppy, too young to be house trained, into a confining sock over night?   The only thing more foolish would be to stuff five of them in there!

Wha..?

#5 

THE WEAPONS OF EVIL

Hot Stuff is a demon child, part of the hierarchical system of HELL, and he will someday grow up to be one the torturers of the damned.  The pitchfork is the weapon of choice of demons, and Santa knows how to supply them.  The theological implications of this cover could set Christianity back MONTHS.

#4

BETRAYAL

Look upon the face of the cat.  He stares out at us in existential pain.  Did he deserve this vile fate?  The rodent  emerges from a Christmas stocking on the very day of peace and joy, when such an attack would be at its most duplicitous and unforgivable.  Super Mouse is a creature without honor, and the cat dies a martyr in my eyes.

#3

ANYTHING NAMED SLUGGO.

Be it human being, ice cream treat or industrial byproduct, I do not want anything named “Sluggo” in a stocking.  That’s just good policy.

#2

VULGAR IMMORALITY 

The woman on the cover is either a prostitute, a Russian bride, or someone with a complicated set of emotions about her father and men in general, and since there’s brothers involved in this sordid tale of anonymous sex, one of them will get possessive, fists will fly, and so will tears.    Santa destroys families with this flashy pimp stuff.  He should know better.

#1

IMPROPERLY STORED MEATS

Forget the fatal toxin factory brewing in that simmering stew bag all night and consider that poor girl’s fate even if the stocking HAD been refrigerated: cardiac-arrest at age twenty-nine, after billowing into a 400 pound emo-goth chick with tattoos she can’t find, all because of a sick, sick enabling Santa on the ONE Christmas it might have mattered.

This delightful Holiday cover wouldn’t be so funny if Little Lotta was bathing in Jack Daniel’s and snorting cocaine off a chained-up leopard’s back, now would it? No, that we call a DISEASE. But THIS we can laugh at?

Shameful.

I have to assume the editor removed her right foot as a horrific reminder of the grim diabetic future she may be facing.

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See you tomorrow for SANTA:  MASTER OF THE EDGED WEAPON!

Ty the Guy OUT!

NOW your BONUS Christmas Stocking Cover:

This image is a fascinating collection of what the hell?

Click below to see past Christmas lists and Christmas Toons:

AND it’s a little late to get ’em for your stocking, you can still order SKETCHBOOK by TY for a little post-Christmas goodness. Click below to get the details, and to see some pages;

DOCTOR DOOM BUN TOONS. YAY!!

You are all at my mercy...and Doom HAS no mercy.

If this one doesn’t speak for itself, then I have no business cartooning.  It’s a spiritual sequel of sorts to a BUN TOON I did for DC Comics a few years back. It seems only fair that Marvel gets a shot.

Ah, but you knew the winner going in.

Wait, does this mean Christmas season is upon us?  It IS the moment of DOOM.

Ty the Guy OUT!

Now, here’s your BONUS Doctor Doom Christmas moment:

Courtesy of John Byrne, the comic industry's "Mr. Christmas".

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For last week's childish Bun Toon click here.

for every sophisticated, adult Bun Toon ever, click the mature bunny.

**UPDATED:  for every Christmas Toon, and the Christmas lists from last December check out CHRISTMAS with TY

SANTA WARS IV: He Knows When You’ve Been Sleeping WITH THE FISHES. The Top Seven Dead Santa Covers

Ask not for whom the bell jingles. It jingles for thee.

Whew.  That might be my longest title ever up there, but what can you do with sequels? Once there’s a set of Roman Numerals involved, things get ungainly.

After a few days of wholly inappropriate images of homicidal Santas,  monster Santas, and beaten, hogtied Santas, we arrive at the inevitable fate for these poor icons of the winter solstice…

I warn you, this is not for the kiddies.  You think I’ve had some inappropriate images before?   There’s a couple here you don’t want your eight year old to see….  You’ve been duly warned, but I can’t help myself, I’m in the holiday mood and I want to share….

THE TOP SEVEN DEAD SANTA COMIC BOOK COVERS.

#7

I have a newsflash for all concerned:  Santa loses the match.  The cover is a bit of a giveaway, as the Santa I know would be fighting back a little harder while that Zombie lady rips out his throat, unless he was already dead.   At least the brains will keep fresh at the North Pole.   This is an indy comic, so you might not have seen it, but it has the dead Santa spirit in such evidence I was charmed into including it.    The following indy comic…

…doesn’t give you a good enough look at Santa’s remains for it to have made the cut.  It’s nice to see the indies getting in on all the dead Santa fun, but you got to bring me the flesh if you want my vote!

#6

No matter how cute and amusing we may or may not think Casper the Friendly Ghost is, we must never forget that he’s the spectral remains of a dead child, held to this Earth by an unsolved murder, or some other never-resolved trauma of unimaginable sorrow.

And in this issue:  He’s Santa!

#5

We’ve ruled out a robbery, the murderer left behind a dolly and a toy drum, both as valuable as diamonds on Christmas Eve.

Is it just me, or does the entire Justice League seem to be waving their crotches at the dead Santa corpse.  They’re posed awfully strangely.  Maybe it’s just me.  This is a personal treasure of mine, as I still own the copy I bought when I was twelve.  Dead Santa good times.

#4

This delightful image of the Santa corpse stuck in the chimney ( seared into our brains by the movie Gremlins) is rendered here in loving detail by Joe Jusko, Conan cover artist of the Eighties.  One of the better Marvel Holiday issues of this era, mostly because it didn’t have Dazzler in it.

#3

Nick Cardy (who drew my favorite Christmas comic cover of all time, we’ll get to that one in a day or so…) gives us this unquestioned masterpiece of the Kris Kringle Korpse genre.  The best part:  The skeletal remains are still fat, no matter how much of the body has rotted off the skull.  Ah, the joys of the holidays.  Why are people reading this sick, sick, entry?

#2

This special one shot was a spin-off from the series SOUTHERN KNIGHTS, produced in the late Eighties.   No, Carl and Larry are not gay, they’re just carefree assassins with a good attitude and a strong work ethic.  Get your mind out of the gutter and just let the men do their job.  This cover is subversive in every way, isn’t it?  One of those images that most artists only aspire to.  Why are museums usually so empty of these kinds of scenes on the wall?

Okay, next one’s not for the squeamish, but that’s why you’re here.

#1

There’s actually a few lovely dead Santa covers for this LIVING DEAD  series, but in all the other ones, Father Christmas is up and walking around like a zombie.  At least for this one, Santa’s corpse has the decency to sit still and that earns it my number one spot.   If you’re going to be dead, keep in one place, this is not Weekend at Bernie’s, it’s a holy holiday.

If you think any of these made you squirm, come back here tomorrow for the top seven INAPPROPRIATELY SEXY CHRISTMAS COMIC BOOK COVERS.  Until then —

Ty the Guy OUT!

Go HERE for the Top Seven Homicidal Santas.  Go HERE for the Top Seven Monster Santas, and HERE for the Top Ten Santas going down in defeat to super-heroes.

Here now, your Dead Santa Claus moment of zen:

It's Jerry Garcia, get it?

If you’re too young to know who Jerry Garcia is, then I’m too old to be making jokes about him.  And that’s MY moment of zen.