John Carter vs. the Mainstream.

Ah, John Carter…you never learn.  You’re not one of the popular kids.

I saw the Disney picture last week, and brain-explodingly LOVED it.  There’s some changes to the story I don’t agree with, and a few that I do, but overall, the heart, spirit and look of the movie was everything I hoped for.  Bang on.  Bullseye.  Round of applause.   For the twelve year old boy who first discovered Tharks and Dejah Thoris in an old issue of DC’s Weird Worlds, this movie made me clap my hands and grin until I ached.

My kids didn’t love it though, and not winning over that precious kid audience  is keeping this film from making the kind of money that the producers need.  Which means we’ll never get a sequel, a sticker book, happy meal toys or any of that stuff that comes along with blockbuster films.

Fig. I : What won't be happening at local Walmarts.

But that was a given. It’s John Carter. He never rises far above secret cult fandom. He’s the George Harrison of Science Fiction – The Dirk Gently’s Detective Agency, the Humbug Magazine, the Beethoven’s 6th Symphony of pop culture, and that’s kind of where I like him.

John Carter is the perennial poor relation to his superstar big brother, Tarzan. Both were created by Edgar Rice Burroughs, but Mr. Loin-cloth got dozens of novels, more than a hundred movies, two hundred TV episodes, four hundred comic books, animated shows, lunch boxes, toys, games, you name it, there’s a Tarzan version of it. The Ape Man was one of the most popular characters of the 20th Century.

Mostly because of things like this.

Whereas John Carter isn’t even IN half of the ten novels Burroughs wrote about Mars.  And when Carter got  adapted into other media, it was a tepid affair.  Instead of Tarzan’s four hundred issues, John Carter totaled about four dozen comics in the last century.

As for film and TV adaptations, previous to this recent Disney epic, the Barsoomian movie catalogue numbered one:  a basement-budget sci-fi direct to DVD adaptation of Princess of Mars, made in 2009, and starring former porn queen TRACI LORDS as Dejah Thoris and Antonio Sabato Jr. as the Captain.

This is real. It exists. I've seen it.

It’s surprisingly less vile than you think it would be, but still hardly much of a film.  The budget is so low, the Tharks only have two arms.  Seriously.

Fig. II: A Four-Armed Thark prepares an evening meal.

To further scare away the mainstream from this franchise, the “science” in this sci-fi is just goofy:  John can hop over mountains on a planet that’s actually HEAVIER than Earth.  The airships fly by means of the 8th Ray, or basically, magic.  Evolution on Mars got cheap-date-drunk before choosing how many limbs each creature got, and interplanetary teleportation is explained away by settling back in a spooky Indian cave.

Personally, one of the reasons I like Barsoom is the civilized way in which all parties agree that physics doesn’t really matter there, just like Oz, Wonderland, and Narnia, but apparently that sort of thing causes modern audiences to flee.

The final barrier to mainstream popularity is, ironically, the popularity these stories used to enjoy.   Burroughs’ Mars novels were such a huge influence on the Science Fiction creators of the years following 1912 that John Carter can’t seem “new” or “fresh”.

Fig. III: I think it's Barsoom.

Frank Herbert’s Dune was utterly lifted from Barsoom, as was Star Trek’s Vulcan, James Cameron’s Avatar, and George Lucas’ Tatooine. We’ve seen John Carter reproduced as Superman, Adam Strange, Buck Rogers, Captain Kirk, the Raiders of Gor, Richard Corben’s Den, Green Lantern and Luke Skywalker.

Dejah Thoris inspired Elaan of Troyus, Orion Slave Girls, and Leia’s Metal Bikini. Homages to Tars Tarkas show up in the Klingons, the Predators, J’onn J’onz, and the Sand People of Star Wars. Tharks are the reason we think all Martians are green.

Fig IV: A two-armed Thark - handicapped, but willing to fight on.

For younger viewers, it’s hard to appreciate the century old template that these modern tropes are drawn from, because it feels like we’ve seen it all before.

When in reality, we’ve only seen it all SINCE.

So, John Carter is a permanent sub-niche fandom, and those of us who have been to Barsoom expect it that way. It’s a little more cool to be out of the mainstream, man.  We burrow a little deeper into our inner geek.  We can drop references like Dirk Gently and Humbug Magazine and know the hepcats in the room dig the bit.

Figure V: Dirk Gently.

It would be nice if Disney didn’t lose quite so many hundreds of millions on this picture.  It’s so much better than the critics are telling you.  Andrew Stanton created a lovely tribute to a piece of science fiction history, and he did it with such love and joy and FUN that I giggled like a schoolboy for most of the movie.

If you haven’t seen it, go this weekend.  Your Jeddak, COMMANDS it.

Ty the Guy OUT!

Here now, your COMIC BOOK JOHN CARTER BONUSES!

The officially ERB FAMILY approved Marvel adaptation of the second novel in the Barsoom series came out just two days ago!   It’s drawn by my buddy Ramon Perez, and is as beautiful as the Red Planet itself.  The script is burning through the original book a little faster than I expected, but I suppose it’s a fairly frantic pace all around with GODS OF MARS.  The layout, the colouring and the feel of the book is delicious.

John, getting his Barsoom-legs back after a few years away. I TOLD you the art was pretty.

ALSO ON THE COMIC RACKS NOWADAYS!!

Dynamite Comics has two different ongoing Barsoom series:  Dejah Thoris and Warlord of Mars. The Dynamite WARLORD is currently adapting the very same novel that Marvel is adapting, (GODS OF MARS), and is a few chapters ahead, which means Carter fans new to the stories, but buying both titles are getting complete spoilers for the Marvel book.

 The scripts for both titles are readable, and the art is good in the Thoris series, (not so much in the Warlord book).  Unfortunately, there’s a lurking creepy quality to the stripper pasties they put on all the women in this incarnation of the franchise.

 Either embrace the nudity of the original novels, or give Ms. Thoris  something less skeevie to wear, thank you.  The brass nipple clamps are the worst of both worlds.

It’s been a fun couple of weeks revisiting the Mars of my childhood.  I’ve even taken to re-reading my Marv Wolfman/Gil Kane and Murphy Anderson Barsoomian comics from the 70s, with much nostalgic vigour when I get a spare moment, and I’ve put the audio-books of the original ERB novels on in the background while I’ve been drawing lately.  Best part:  Listening to the invariably male readers doing an imitation of Dejah Thoris when she’s saying romantic things.

I’m off to swim in the river Iss.  Wish me luck.

The Convention Sketches Came From My Basement!

A couple of weeks ago, I put together a sketchbook for an open house/gallery show at the Toronto Cartoonists Workshop.    (click on Sketchbook by Ty above!)  We printed up a bunch of ’em, and had a dozen or so left over after the event, so we offered up em through our little website here.

Each sketchbook has a first page left intentionally blank, so that I had a space to scribble a doodle and signature and a message for the person getting it at the open house.    I can’t remember what I sketched in those books, as my brain forgets the image as soon as it’s drawn.

But when I did little front-page doodles for the fine folks who ordered copies  through the website, there was a scanner handy.  So I’m posting a bunch of them today.  While you guys are looking at them, I’m busy finishing up a script for Heroes of the North, and designing a giant killer robot for a project I’m doing with a fairly famous pal of mine at a fairly major comic company.  (What a tease I am!)  I’ll keep you posted.

This last sketch below comes with a small story.   On Tuesday I got into a conversation with someone about what is the “right” tool to ink with, and responded with the advice Joe Kubert once said:  “grab anything and use it.  If you need a specific brush or pen,  you’re not making the line, the tool is.”

Within reason, obviously. Kurbert didn't mean for anyone to ink with one of these.

Well, just for the straight up hell of it, I tried inking a sketch with the giant fat marker pictured above.  A really beat up, half dry one, too.  In fact, I searched for the skankiest marker in my studio.  This is what I got.

I wasn’t particularly trying to ape Kubert’s style when I did this, and pulled the Tarzan portrait out of my head, but there’s an eerie hint of Kubert-isms in the final sketch.  I think that’s the secret of Joe’s style.  Ink with the most awful piece of shit tool in your studio, and the constant awareness that you’ll never get a line you’ll like, that you stop looking at each stroke and focus on the whole drawing.

I’m going through the garbage and rescuing all my horrible dead brushes and gnarly markers.  That was fun!    Next sketch I do gets inked with a spray can.  I’ll show Kubert there’s tools you can’t use!

I think we have one or two sketchbooks left.   You’d have to check with my wife by going HERE.

Ty the Guy OUT!

PS:  BIG events at the Toronto Cartoonist Workshop tonight.  I shall speak of them tomorrow.

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Here now, a BONUS sketchbook page, left out of the printed collection for space.   I learned to draw the WildCATS: Animated style from back in the 90s…

The Top Seven Cheap and Lazy Halloween Costumes for Comic and SF Fans

Every year, Halloween sneaks up on me.  Perhaps it’s the lack of pumpkin carols, but that damn October 31st arrives with me unprepared all the time, and it’s made me a bit of an expert in the quickly-thrown-together costume game.  I’ve spent many costume parties in the laziest, cheapest and dumbest outfits of all time, and now because of the complex instrument that is the inter-tubes, I get to share my vast knowledge of corner-cutting and panache with you, the discerning comic book and SF fan.  Considering the economy, there’s never been a better time for…

THE SEVEN CHEAPEST AND LAZIEST  HALLOWEEN COSTUMES for COMIC and SF FANS

Above: way too much effort

NUMBER 1

You literally couldn’t get lazier than our first one, and yet, it’s one of the best and most recognizable SF icons of the last 30 years.  When you wake up in the morning, and put on your ratty old housecoat to go from bed to bathroom without upsetting the roomies with a glance at the twig and berries, grab a towel on the way out of the commode, and TA-DAA…you’re Arthur Dent.  I actually saw someone wearing this for a costume parade at a convention this year, and I must admit, I wanted to vote for him, just for sheer lazy-clever points.

Any idiot can do this.

–

NUMBER 2

This one requires a lifetime of preparation, but no effort on Halloween itself.  If you’re six foot three and black, have muscle definition like a steroid addicted MMA fighter, and are willing to shave your head, then we have the perfect disguise for you.  Put on a black t-shirt, and grab a white girlfriend, and you are LUKE CAGE, breakout star of Marvel’s AVENGERS.

–

Twenty years of weight lifting and one t-shirt and you're done.

Oh sure, Luke’s old costume was a stark reminder that African Americans dressed with too much “flair” in 70s…

His favorite holiday was "Sweet Christmas" anyway...

…but Brian Hitch and Brian Michael Bendis changed all that a few years ago with their minimalist approach to invulnerable black superheroes.  This one will go over great with your nerdiest friends, so long as the idea of a muscular black giant with nerdy friends is not analyzed.

For white people willing to shave their heads.  A nice suit and a pissy attitude makes you PRESIDENT LUTHOR from the animated film SUPERMAN AND BATMAN: PUBLIC ENEMIES, no questions asked.

Note: If you're Howie Mandel, remember to shave the soul patch

–

NUMBER 3

This idea has ALMOST no work involved, and can be used in three possible ways.  First, grab as destroyed a piece of fabric as you can find in your house (something you formerly used to wash the car with, but is now too scuzzy and damaged for even that).  Then, strip down to the birthday suit, and wrap the fabric around your midsection.

1)  If you can squint and grow a beard, you’re TAYLOR from the original Planet of the Apes.

Charlton Heston is the one on the left, for a change.

2)  If you cannot grow a beard, draw spots on the fabric with a Sharpie and you are Tarzan of the Apes.

–

Do not include the lion in the costume. It's too much work.

3)   If you have neither a beard or a magic marker, you can claim to be an American home-owner, six months into the future.  As long as it’s the future, it’s still SF.

It's funny because of genuine human suffering

–

NUMBER 4

This takes a few moments of very slight effort, but no money (unless you count the cost of scotch tape), and it involves recycling, so it’s good for the planet.  Go through your plastics and paper bin, find used cups, old magazines, candy wrappings and the like, and tape them to your body so that you look like a pile of garbage.  When people ask who you’re supposed to be, you tell them you’re movie  star, Mel Gibson.  The laugh is worth the smell.

Gibson and his last friend, out hunting for a career

NUMBER 5

This one requires a pair of sweat pants that really stretch, and an old turkey baster or CD spool.  Simply put the pokey object down the back of your track suit (held tightly between the cheeks, or taped to your upper thighs) and when folks ask, claim to be a UFO abductee.  The thing tenting the back of your pants is the anal probe.  Not only will people enjoy your creativity, you’ll be the one having the most fun on the dance floor.

–

Not pictured: Those awkward "first date" moments.

–

NUMBER 6

One for the ladies.  The ultimate in lazy costuming may be the most impressive on the list, but the effect only works the following morning.  Simply don’t show up to the party you’ve been invited to, and tell people that you were there.  Obviously, since no one saw you, you were the Invisible Woman from the Fantastic Four.  Jessica Alba never looked so good, and now you can too.  For the gentlemen, we must go back to the classic INVISIBLE MAN from H.G. Wells.  Try to be invited to dozens of parties you don’t plan to attend, and spread this astounding costume around town.

The Invisible Woman, and I think she's naked.

–

NUMBER 7

Another great classic that never goes out of style.  As soon as you arrive at the party, instantly find the closet where they hang up the coats, and go inside.  Refuse to come out for the rest of the party and TA-DAA, you’re Jodie Foster, star of the classic film, Contact.  I might be savaged by a high priced Hollywood lawyer for suggesting this, but you’ll be the hit of the get-together.

–

Please don’t sue me, I’m trying to be funny.

-There, that should get you through any emergency party situation with as little work on your part as possible.  And if these don’t work, remember the advice of Christina Ricci from the ADAMS FAMILY movie, show up in street clothes and tell people you’re a SERIAL KILLER, because they look just like you and me…

but only if you look like this.

-and of course, any hot girl at the party is likely to be a Cylon.  Avoid them at all costs.

You'll be glad you left them alone.

Ty the Guy OUT!

Here now, your comic book moment of zen:

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For more Topical Top List Fun, see last week’s TOP TEN BLACK PRESIDENTS OF SCIENCE FICTION by clicking on Morgan Freeman.  I promise, he’ll be commanding and comforting at the same time, even if we’re all about to die.

The Ten Greatest All-Nude Fight Scenes in Comics

The all-nude fight scene has been a staple of literature since Eve asked Adam to bite into the fruit of knowledge and Adam said, “Make me.”

This can't be legal. And it better not be in a museum somewhere.

And why not?  We like nudity, AND we like fighting.

Back in the really old days, when the Youtube was called “actual Roman gladiators”, naked fighting was literally the “bread” in “bread and circuses“.  The circus part involved lions, but that’s another story.  What matters is that a snarling knock-down, drag-out is better when the delicate goodies are in play, and never more so, then when super-powers are involved.

And so, to continue my scholarly series about the prurient world of comic book decadence (following the highly educational “LOIS LANE: BONDAGE QUEEN” and “Comic Book Easter Zombie Parade” posts), and bring to you…

THE TOP TEN NAKED SUPER-HERO FIGHTS IN COMICS.

But before the festival of naughty bits, three quick ground rules:

RULE #1:
No Adult Comics. No taking the piss out of WARRIOR NUN, DANGER GIRL, VAMPIRELLA, or

Russ Heath's forgotten masterpiece.

ANYTHING HOWARD CHAYKIN HAS WRITTEN as that’s low hanging fruit, and I don’t pick, grab, fondle or tug at so easy a target.    Sadly, it means no COWGIRLS AT WAR, but we’re sticking to mainstream super-heroes—and do I mean STICKING!

RULE #2:
Only one nudie shot per customer.  WOLVERINE, for example, can pop it out of his pants as often as he pops them out of his knuckles… if we don’t impose the limit, the whole list becomes about Logan’s dangly-bits.

RULE #3:
The appearance of nudity isn’t good enough.  The character must have actual genitalia.  Sorry Howard the Duck and Silver Surfer.

As sexy as this super-hot cover seems to be, I consider it cheating if there’s no possibility of balls.

And now, without further ado, or further use of the phrase “dangly-bits”…

#10
AVENGERS ILLUMINATI #1

As a millionaire playa, Tony Stark was always willing to slip out of the Armani suit for the hunnies, and as a drunken gutter dweller, he was willing to step out of the Iron Man suit and give it to his pal Rhodey.  The suit, I mean.   Clearly Tony is very willing to drop trou, and that’s why he’s so calm, cool and TEACHING SCHOOL in this nude-fight classic.  With nothing but his “little Iron Man” to help him, and a few well remembered “training sessions” with Steve Rogers, Tony Stark smoothly kicks butt while his own is dancing in the breeze.

This is why they call him "Shell-Head".

IN TONY’S FAVOR:  Skrulls are not human, so it’s like being naked in front of your cat.  The things I do naked in front of my cats would get me arrested if I was doing them in front of say, the neighbors, tied up in my shower–

#9
The Watchmen.  Issue 12

Flee, enemies of democracy! The American Superman can stay clothed for only SO LONG...

The Watchmen is the greatest super-hero comic book of all time so it has to be on all lists that include the words “greatest” and “super-hero”.  Lucky for us, the naked fight scene between Rorschach and Doc Manhattan in Issue 12 is a keeper!  And it follows memorable  naked quantum physics scenes and naked menage a doppelganger scenes that changed my dating ambitions forever.

The socio-political implications of Alan Moore’s narrative and the intricate mechanism of this novel have been discussed endlessly by greater critics than I, so I’ll just leave you with two thoughts:

1)  It’s bad enough being killed by a friend, but killed by one waving his little blue weenie at you is insulting.
2)   Rorschach said was naked without his mask on, so he’s joining Doctor Manhattan’s free spirit–dying with his nose and lips exposed.

No matter what else, this is a dick move. Oh, and I've ruined the ending of the novel for you. Which is a dick move on my part.

#8
HOVERBOY #91
Hoverboy vs. Doc Natural.

With all the tags that say "nude Super-hero" this cover is going to get a lot of web hits.

If ever there was a reason to avoid calling him “The Bucket Headed Super-Hero” this issue is it.  After being hit with “fiber melting herbs” by the hippie super-villain Doc Natural, Hoverboy is forced to fight crime in the nude.  He learns to avoid shame by reading the first part of Genesis over and over, and eventually smacking anyone in the face who looks at him “down there”.

#7
TARZAN VS. TUBLAT the GORILLA

If you’re into the twin aesthetics of decorative baroque, and boy’s pink bums, you can’t do better than Burne Hogarth’s TARZAN  graphic novel, published in 1972 by Watson-Guptill.

I can't explain this, and I won't even try.

Freed of the comics code, Tarzan is naked for the first hundred pages…and just so you’d know where Burne’s bread was buttered, we are shown nothing but Greystokes curiously un-tanned buttocks for those hundred pages– the Jungle Lord’s crown jewels were hidden in shadows, or behind vines or strategically placed gorillas the whole time.  But, oh those glistening backside orbs were in full display–page after page—bulbously leaping from tree to tree in a cascade of male glute flesh rarely seen outside a clergyman’s rectory.

There really is a lot of this, all through the book.

And when Tublat (Tarzan’s gorilla father) starts messing with Kala (Tarzan’s gorilla mother), we’re treated to the second bloodiest naked super-hero fight scene on the list.

Um...could you check out what's happening in panel one?

EXTRA NAKED POINTS:  Everyone in this scene is stripped to the gonzos, INCLUDING TARZAN’S MOM!  I dare you to fight someone while your mom is watching nude.

#6
LEGEND OF AQUAMAN SPECIAL

Bark like a sea lion, boy! I said BARK!

If you didn’t want to see an “in the buff” teen-Aquaman fighting a grown man in rubber pants, then why have you read this far?  Seriously.  Some self examination is in order.

Don't sass me, nude boy. I'll teach you who wears the rubber pants around here!

Okay, I get that Aquaman’s origin story was kinda like “Tarzan of the Fish”, and if his dolphin pals weren’t ashamed of their blow holes, why should he be?  But this scene  goes that extra special mile for its entertainment dollar.  It involves, rubber pants, choking, punching, animal noises and a young lad tied starkers and spread in a chair.  That’s at least three-fifty downtown, but the comic retailed for two dollars, quite a bang for your buck in 1989.  You always wondered why Aquaman has such a devoted following–  it’s not just because he can breathe underwater.

How did THIS scene end up in a DC comic?!?

#5
MARVEL COMICS PRESENTS #77

Pants? I know I brought pants...

I wasn’t kidding about how often Logan goes sans pants. They even have a special term to alert the students at the X-Mansion when Wolverine is “sunnin’ the package”: It’s called “mid-afternoon”.

But of all the nudie Wolverine fights, this is the yardstick against which all others are measured.  And if you’re measuring with a yardstick, you’re already impressing me.

The zenith of Logan’s multi-issue

Graaah! Graah! Snarrlll! Graaahhh!

birthday suit wood romp comes when he fights the equally unclothed and competitively hirsute wolves in MCP: WEAPON X #77, and bathes in their mighty blood when it’s all done.  The most badass moment in comics is suitably bare assed and  has been referenced again and again.

Snarrll....grrrrr.....grrrrr....I swear to GOD I had pants....

#4
Ultimates #9

Big deal, you gotta take a PILL to be called "Giant Man".

Millar and Hitch’s Ultimates run was a leader in the naked fight scene genre, with an average of one naked fight per 3.7 issues.  The Cap/Naked Giant Man fight from #9 is my favorite, simply because it  involves a giant guy waggling the wand six stories above your head.

One of the most important aspects of a man to man fight is the ability to look your opponent in the eye and say belittling things to him.  But when you have to crane your neck just to glimpse your opponent’s eyes behind his BUICK-SIZED REPRODUCTIVE SAUSAGE, it’s a trifle intimidating!

And Cap hands Hank the beat down that he had coming all the same.  THAT’S why you salute the man with the shield.

Hank goes DOWN! Hank goes DOWN! Into the big, phallic tube-y things!

#3
Batman #357.

WTF? This is in a published comic? At least Bruce is saying "NO".

This can’t be a co-incidence.  There’s no way that the editor was  unaware that the first two words in this naked fight scene are “swish” and “Dick..?”–  WHICH WERE THE TITLES OF MY FIRST TWO HOMO-EROTIC HAIKU!!  Someone had to be spying on me.

And the second page of this memorable sequence begins with another unfortunately worded balloon that I’m not going to type up, in case I enjoy it more than I should.  Just read it yourself…out loud if the elderly are present.

This had to be a prank. This was never published...

And it all ends with a spread eagle boy wonder, and naked Bruce looking down on him, again saying “Dick…?”.  Don’t take my word for it.  Follow Bruce’s stare….Go check, I’ll wait.

It was as though the editorial team at DC had decided to give into the fan mail they’d been getting from “that anti-Wertham” crowd, and just let them have one issue to call their own.

I think the story had something to do with mind control, and Hugo Strange, and something like that.  Did anyone read the other eighteen pages in this issue when people were wearing clothes?  My copy won’t open.

#2
ULTIMATE HULK ANNUAL #1

Okay. He's naked, and unashamed. Got it?

This is special in so many ways.  First off, the Ultimate Hulk was a walking naked fight scene from the word go.  That was is raison d’etre, his meaning in life, his chewy center.  He doesn’t care if he defeats the Leader, or The Abomination…he just wants to meet a special someone and settle down, and the nudity was his version of Hulk Sized Foreplay.

This ANNUAL is nothing more than a big, long, extended, full length, and blood engorged naked fight scene that ends in a punch to the cojones that was visible from space.  And the subject

Ohh. Strike one against the Mighty Nards of the Hulk. The "Nulks".

matter of the fight?  Some chick named Zarda gets hired by Captain America to make the Hulk wear pants.  She attacks his Hulklings until he agrees, and then they go to a motel and snuggle like very bad bunnies who are not married to each other, and might not even be considering a formal engagement.   No wonder comics are considered literature nowadays.

And one more 'nad cruncher, in case you're missing the subtlety of the story.

#1
BATMAN CONFIDENTIAL #18

This is why we all evolved to have eyes.

When the end comes, and the world is crumbling around me due to nuclear devastation or social upheaval, this is the comic I take with me to the escape shelter.  Full Respect to Fabian Nicieza and Kevin Maguire for making this objet d’art for us to enjoy.

Okay. That's a nice drawing.

The story has something to do with Catwoman stealing something, and running into an all-nude fetish club to escape Batgirl chasing her…and Batgirl follows her in and stuff happens.  Good god, I’m heterosexual, how am I supposed to remember the plot?

You’ll notice how sparse this list has been for naked super-HEROINE fights…up until now.  Oh, sure, She-Hulk and Black Cat do sometimes get all jiggy with their bid’ness, but they don’t seem to be PUNCHING anyone when they do it.  And Danger Girl and Codename:  Knockout don’t count if that’s ALL they do.  But THIS…?   This is naked fighting, folks, not naked prancing.  You want naked prancing, visit your congressman.

Honestly, it just goes on like this for pages and pages...

There are other naked fight scenes in comics.  I seem to remember Magneto fighting for his life in the shower.  And let’s never forget Bruce Banner’s narrow escape from Jim Shooter’s Traveling Shower Rape Stereotype Duo from that Rampaging Hulk in the Eighties…Ah, those memories I can’t seem to purge.

If you’ve got a naked fight scene you’d like to see featured in this column, please drop us a line.   We’re always willing to look at naked people smacking at each other, whether they’re flying through the air or not.

That’s it for today.  A long one, but a good one.  (That’s what she said!)

I’ll see everyone back here tomorrow for some all new BUN TOONS!  A new installment of LAST ROUNDUP ON THE SINISTER SPACECRAFT OF FORBIDDEN LOVE, and MORE!

Ty the Guy

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